For the moms who have/will have out of state grandparents for their Dec babies…

I’m actually in the same boat but I’m excited to have my mom here. I think they understand we will need help more than they expect you to host. I have a 20m old son so it’ll be nice to have the extra hands and not have to worry about getting him to other grandparents etc etc. and the help postpartum the first few days is really nice because you can actually get some rest when it’s pivotal to heal!

I felt the same way! I ended up telling the whole family that we would love to have them around during the birth but we wouldn’t be hosting anyone and recommend they stay in an Airbnb or something nearby. It was initially a bit dramatic with some family members but most of them understood. Some family members are coming a bit early (4 weeks in advance) and we kept this stance that we wouldn’t be hosting. Lowkey I feel guilty being so firm but we mostly just want a few hours where we’re not entertaining our family. I guess it depends on how you feel overall.

I’m in the same boat! I say you just really think about who they are as people and if they will be more helpful to you or more stressful. There’s nothing wrong with setting boundaries and asking them to come once you & baby are all settled! YOU are the most important person to make your own decisions about how you would feel most supported bringing the baby into this world and everyone should respect that

We were in a similar situation too.. it is hard to set those boundaries, but my husband and I told both our parents we want some time alone as a family before we have visitors. Plus it is sick season! If they’re flying they’re more at risk for germs and I just don’t want to risk it. We told them 2-3 months. Our minds might change, he might go back to work after a month and I might want someone there with me so we’ll see. Ultimately though it is our baby and we as moms will be going through a lot and may not have the capacity to handle having visitors right away. That said, I do have a very close friend that lives near us and she will be helping us out as needed.

My own family is a long a somewhat complicated (direct flights are illegal ) series of flight✈️ away & I haven’t seen them for most of the time I’ve been in 🇺🇸- however his parents and rest of family is very involved and his dad and his gf are living with us (in a tiny two bedroom) until a month or two (window for sons birth are nov 21 - 25-12 🎄) after he’s born . Im a very private person who gets claustrophobic very easily & has a rough time just living with one extra person 1/2 the time 🫣🫣so tbh I’m scared about this but having extra help right there for the first weeks is something I know we will be grateful for & I feel like a spoiled brat for feeling any kind of negative way about it - tho even mil&sil etc agree that it’s kind of rough not being able to get things ready for him until he’s already a month + just bc there’s literally no space since they have taken up most of the room in the apt 😳

None of his relatives are expecting to be around for the birth itself tho (I honestly think I would die 😵) but we’re going to a birth center so will be back home with them within 6-8 hrs of birth so maybe that’s kind of similar 🫣🥲

@Amina Very true. The boundaries are very important. For me, hosting will give me anxiety especially if she doesn’t come on time! I don’t want to think about logistics (airport pickup/dropoff, electricity bill 😂, answering questions about how I’m feeling, etc.)

@Lia love my parents but they are TOO excited if that makes sense. I would be treated like a brand new puppy while they’re here 😭. Just staring and asking too many questions lol

@Rachel yes, thanks for sharing. The alone time with baby is most important to my husband. And I personally wouldn’t have the capacity to handle them right away. You do give me an idea of asking my neighbor to stop bye and say hello every now and then lol I ended up just saying one week out — whenever that’ll be.

Both our parents are long distance, so my mom’s coming out around due date and staying for 3 weeks, then my in laws will book their ticket about 2 weeks after baby’s here and stay for a week or so. We’ve invited just our parents to visit with us & baby, and to help us around the house so I can focus on rest and bonding with baby. Our siblings & their families will wait a bit to visit.

Both our parents live in another country, but we need help with our 3 year old when I do go into labor. So my in laws are coming a week before my due date and staying until after baby comes. I’m not thrilled with it - they like to be catered to and have meals made for them etc - but my husband and I have agreed that that’s not happening. I’m going to try to stay upstairs as much as possible, relax and rest while I can and prepare for the birth. (It’s helpful that the guest room is in the basement and not near me!) And then after they’ll only be here for a couple of days, so I’m hoping that while they focus on baby, I’ll be able to spend a bit of time with my toddler and reconnect with him. Otherwise I’ll be upstairs with the baby. Basically I’m just going to establish my own space and remain firm that I’m not serving them - they’re welcome to stay here and we’re grateful they’re helping, but I have other things to focus on and will not be “hosting” in any way.

My in-laws were welcome to be here while I was in the hospital, even to stay at our house, but once we were home they had to be at a hotel. We didn’t have to host them before as I got induced and they drove up the morning of my induction. They got upset with how long my labor took and that they almost didn’t get to see the baby 😒🙄 So they headed home before I even got discharged. For that reason, they’re not invited until after baby is here this time.

My husband and I spoke to our parents and let them know if they’d like to be around for birth or in those first few weeks a hotel would be the best option, but if they’re happy to wait until 3-4 weeks after baby is here and we’ve had time to adjust to life as a family of 3 then they’re welcome to stay with us then! They were very understanding, which I was grateful for!

Happppppy to have my mom this is baby 2 first time she came a week before I had baby she helped me cook and clean lovedddd it. This time she will be here 2-3 weeks before my doc thinks I am going in labor again can’t wait. I don’t have to cook when she is here and a third pair of hands help for my toddler! Not sure how your parents are but no hosting duties were needed for my mom once we set up her room for arrival.

I wanted my mom to be with me for the birth (my first baby and her first grandbaby from a daughter) but shes not planning on even buying a ticket until baby is born. I get it, she’s a long ways away (Alaska and I’m in Colorado), it’ll be right around Christmas, and she has to set up my dad to care for my youngest brother with special needs solo. She doesn’t want to risk getting here too early. The issue is my husbands parents also wants to come out (from Oregon) and because I don’t want both sides here at the same time, they either need to plan to come later (like feb or March) or also wait until baby is born and my moms tickets are bought to buy theirs.

I think all that matters is what you want. Do you want them around your house after birth? I feel like if it were my mom I would want her around but not anyone else 😅 I don’t know if you’re breastfeeding or pumping but if you are, boobies will always be out. Even if your not breastfeeding, skin to skin is so highly encouraged. I’d just explain this to your people and quite literally tell them what you want. Ultimately it’s your house your baby and your emotions.