Is it unfair to tell one set of parents and not the other?🤰🏼

Last week we found out I was pregnant! We have been trying for around 6 months so this was amazing news and we are so excited! But also nervous as it’s very early days and my last pregnancy I miscarried one of my twins so I’m trying to stay positive for this pregnancy. My mum has a great relationship with us and also has our 1 year old 2 days a week as we both work and I also am doing an adult access course in college. We don’t have a great relationship with my in-laws… see them for around 1-2 hrs every 10 days or so. MIL is an alcoholic who thinks we can’t tell that she secretly drinks vodka everyday. They don’t help or do anything for us and MIL is very full on with my 1 year old to the point it almost scares my daughter as they don’t have an established relationship. ANYWAY… me and partner have made the desicion to tell my parents but not to tell his parents until we feel ready to (for me this would be between 12-16 weeks) Do you think I should be selfish and put my body and mental health first by not telling them until I’m ready or do you think they should know seeing as though my parents know ?

Show your support

Nope. Prioritize yourself. Your MIL is very clear in her behavior that she prioritizes herself so don’t also prioritize her. There’s no reason she needs to know your parents know. If she chooses to ask if your parents already know, I would allow your husband to take that over and be like mom why is that even a question? Why are you asking us that rather than congratulating us?

Never selfish, after telling everyone in our first pregnancy before 10 weeks we agreed for baby number 2 we would tell only my family until I'm showing! It helps to keep the circle small sometimes xx

You are not being ‘selfish,’ in the SLIGHTEST! This is YOUR body, YOUR baby and she is not a healthy person with whom you have a good relationship. Hell? I wouldn’t blame you for not telling her until baby’s first birthday! 🤣 My ex husband and I were in a very similar situation. My parents live just up the street and are obviously HIGHLY involved in my children’s lives. The ex MIL is a selfish, manipulative, narcissist. We told my parents immediately. We didn’t tell her (we only saw her every few months, at most) until I was like 6 months along! P.S. If she ever wants to try to tell you that you’re ‘selfish’ for ANY decision that you make around her relationship with your babies (for ANY reason whatsoever!), you feel free to fill her in on how INSANELY ‘selfish’ alcoholism is!!! (I struggled with this as a young person, so trust me, I know full well just how selfish it is!). Do NOT let her try to BS/GUILT her way into ANYTHING. Congratulations mama!

Not selfish at all. We have done the same as sometimes you need support from those around you the most. My mum has been here and helped look after our toddler and I’ve been so nauseous so having her know was really helpful. We will tell husbands family when we are in the 2nd trimester. Do whatever makes you most comfortable xx

Also to be clear, you have a real reason to not share. This isn’t “my mil is great I just want to only share with my family” type of thing. This is a my MIL is the worst and I can’t manager her emotions while dealing with my own

Nope, me and my partner did the same thing. It’s not a competition between maternal and paternal families. It is your news so you have every right to share it or not share it.

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