My son is too stubborn to learn!

Following because my son is the same! He is more interested in doing his own thing, he won’t even sit with me to look at pictures in books He is more interested in independent play and won’t sit with me at all so very hard to teach anything

My son just likes to do things independently, I still feel like he’s too young to properly understand and I’m not going to sit and pressure him into doing something he clearly has no interest in doing. He’s never failed a development check so I’m not too bothered, he learns things on his own. I never taught him to build with blocks but he picked that up by himself. Half his toys he’s figured out the proper way to play with them and he’s even started to get into his f1 car turn it on and attempt to drive it without us even showing him properly

Your expectations of yourself and him are far too high. He is learning all the time. You're reaching all the time. Take the pressure way way off yourselves. Your son sounds so so normal and on track to me. My twins literally only know roar for dinosaur and they only roar when they want to not when I encourage repetition, and my oldest only meowed like a cat at like 17 months minimum and again it was that one animal. You're doing a great job, and so is your son x

Yeah agree with Mou, stop forcing it, it’ll come in time. I feel like your post has some kind of aggression to it, let your baby be a baby and explore in his own way

@Fay I wouldn’t say she’s being aggressive She is probably frustrated due to see other babies being able to do these things and she’s trying her hardest to try and help her baby learn and feels like it’s just not working It’s really hard as a parent to try your best and it not get anywhere

@Fay where is the aggression in my post? The only negative I have said in this post is that it is so annoying… it’s annoying to keep reading or seeing the milestones my son should have been doing months ago and how it is down to the parents or primary caregiver to encourage them and I feel like I have been doing everything I can and getting absolutely nothing! I feel like clearly I am doing something wrong here because no matter what I do, how hard I try, he just isn’t interested. Either way, I don’t see where my post is coming across as aggressive 🤷🏽‍♀️

It might just be how I’m interpreting it - I just think using the word “stubborn” isn’t right, implying he’s doing it on purpose.

@Mou I know he is learning however I question his comprehension skills. Everything I see in regards to milestones shows he isn’t meeting certain ones and point towards either a speech delay, developmental delay or autism and all say early intervention is key however I don’t see any way to get this looked into and I don’t know how to help him any more than I currently am trying. They say they should know is it 5 words by 18 months? And that you can’t count it if they are unable to link it to where it belongs, which means my son doesn’t know any words at almost 16 months

@Natalya it’s funny because he hasn’t fail any of his checks with the health visitor we have now but his first one was constantly criticising me and pointing out every little thing and telling me if I don’t do x, y, z then he won’t learn properly and essentially that I’m holding him back. I couldn’t imagine if we still saw her now how many health checks he would fail! And he wouldn’t even just fail them, she would feel no way to point the blame in my direction and tell me I haven’t done something well enough and now he is delayed as a result or something similar! She was such a nasty piece of work and I think it has now made me the way I am now where I feel like I’m always to blame for my son not reaching certain milestones.

@Shay I'm sorry but 5 words but 18 months is a complete and utterly bullshit measurement. My 2.5 year old said maybe 2 words by then and she doesn't shut up now. Also she hasn't let me read her a book without wanting to fight the book physically until about 2 weeks ago. I would look at what resource you're referring to for hitting milestones because he sounds completely normal to me. No kids repeat anything you want them to. Judge his communication skills by other means I'd say, like if you go to him and say do you want a cuddle and he lifts his arms up, or mummy gives you a toy and he purs his hand out.

@Shay you won’t get a professional to see you for speech dealt, developmental delay or autism till atleast 2 years of age. My son saw a speech therapist for his swallowing and I mentioned he didn’t know any words and she said that’s fine and normal it only becomes a worry at 2. My best friend is a psychologist and she said they won’t diagnose a child with autism till they’re atleast 2 probably even older. Babies/toddlers learn things in their own time just because one baby is doing something and yours isn’t doesn’t mean it’s a “delay” They’re fine up until they’re 2 then you can start to worry. It’s frustrating and a bit upsetting when your child is doing less than someone else’s but it’s far from annoying, I let my little boy do what he wants he’s happy healthy and he learns things his own way in his own time and that’s all that matters to me. My friends little girl didn’t really speak until she was put into nursery just after she turned 2 then she learned so many different things

My twins are firmly only ever saying hi, and roar (when we say dinosaur)... that's it. Nothing else. Maybe the odd 'ta' if I give them something.

Also, put in a complaint about that nasty HV, she needs stopping because that sounds absolutely awful an experience x

@Shay there is absolutely no inclination that his comprehension and language acquisition is lacking from any of this… and I agree with Mou. You are expecting way too much of both your son AND yourself. At this age, they learn through play and exploration but it is 100% based on their interest, there’s no forcing anything. No judgement as my son is exactly the same in every aspect. I myself work in SEN (additional needs) and can say that hand on heart, your son doesn’t seem to point toward a delay from this. It just sounds like you’ve got somewhat unrealistic expectations based on misinformation you’ve read/been told and trying to force a teaching method that won’t work with such young children. If he’s not saying anything by 18 months then you can ask HV to refer to SALT but some children don’t talk until closer to 2. Anything like ASD is not usually referred for before age 3, unless a very severe complex need. Xx

…(continued) I would suggest taking the pressure off and going back to play based learning that doesn’t force an action, such as to point or make a noise. Just role model as much of it as you can but also don’t panic if he doesn’t seem interested or seems to want to ‘rush’ it/ get to the end. Typical development states that a child can only hold their attention in minutes for their age. I.e 1 min for 1 years old; 2 for 2 years etc. It’s not atypical for your child to be curious about objects and want to play with them and turn pages to work them out etc as their attention just won’t let them focus so intently on q’s you ask or point at. Some kids do but it isn’t the norm. Take a breather and let the both of you enjoy playtime a bit more, take it easy mama (and ignore & complain about the shitty HV you had, that certainly doesn’t help!) xx

@Shay I’d complain about the HV, I have heard some bad stories about some of them especially the older ones that think they know everything! Babies/toddlers reach their milestones at all different ages! Most people’s babies love eating from 6 months of age where as my little boy just screamed at me he only started eating when he was 14 months old and now he tries atleast everything other than soggy foods! It had nothing to do with something I did or didn’t do he was just an awkward eater and it took him longer to work up to the point he felt ready to eat

I’m not trying to force anything, for the animals in the bath (we bath together) I started making the animal sounds and he found them funny and it passed the time which allowed me to get us both washed without issues, I added the names of the animals a little later on and only recently started to ask him questions about the animals while bathing. For reading the books I was told I should encourage pointing and spotting things out and so I figured this was one of many ways to do that. I’m told I need to bring myself to his height and speak clearly so that he can understand what I am saying. When we are out and about I try and spot things and tell him what they are, what noise they make if any etc. these are all things I was told to do at the 12 month check up and the NHS website also says the same thing so I wouldn’t have thought what I was doing was being “forceful” by any means. When he doesn’t want to do whatever I’m trying to get him to do he moves on and I leave him to it🤷🏽‍♀️

As for complaining about the health visitor, I honestly don’t think it would make a bit of difference. I brought some stuff up about it in our 12 month review and I was just told everyone has their way of doing their job and it’s all “advice” so I don’t need to take it on board if I don’t want to

@Shay your OP and comments give a bit of impression that you're not just having fun with your son, it's like you have some black cloud of pressure and worry over all your interactions with him. Of course we know you're not forcing anything but it seems like all this milestone info and HV advice is making you miss just having fun with him knowing he is learning just because, even if it doesn't seem in the way you think it would. Definitely need to go easier on yourself, you're doing an absolute fabulous job x

Okay, I know you might not want to hear this but this is completely developmentally normal and you're absolutely expecting too much. Why does it matter how he wants to play or read books? It's meant to be fun! You aren't his teacher, you're his mama. Time together should be enjoyable, not a lesson. I highly recommend reading more on toddler development, get yourself a good audiobook and brush up on how toddlers brains work and what to expect! I know its hard, but you have to trust the process and put way less pressure on yourself and your baby. Your HV sounds absolutely terrible, please don't listen to her and do your own research!! There's so many great books out there.