Controlling

I would recommend individual and couples therapy.

@Kelli he refuses couples therapy and tells me I’m fuckrf up in the head

I'm not one to be quick to advise leaving a marriage, but if both parties are not willing to work together on improving the relationship, it's not a good place to be in and generally will lead to anger and resentment by one or both of you. At the very least, therapy for yourself would be very good to have an unbiased opinion and advice on your situation and to learn skills and methods to improve yourself and be a better partner, be it for your husband or a future partner if divorce is the outcome. My first marriage ended on divorce due to him being a serial cheater and refusing couples therapy. Also, you're not fucked up in the head, and it's wrong of him to say that to you. If you want someone to talk to who has been in a similar place, feel free to message me.