Husband says he “can’t handle newborn” crying, is this normal?

Ask him if it would help to have a checklist of what to specifically try when baby cries (pat back, check diaper, check if too cold/warm, walk with him, make a bottle)

It is definitely not normal with the 2nd child, as like you say, he should know what to expect by now.

Yes I’ve experienced this exactly with my other half. I think cos guys are wired up differently to us women the testosterone effects them I think and also early trauma they may have experienced themselves as a kid

I'm with him. I can't handle my baby crying. I get so stressed until I can figure out what is going on and how to help. Maybe educate him and give him the tools he needs to help settle baby. I know whenever I leave baby in another's care I give them a list of things to try when baby gets fussy.

I definitely do this and try to be as understanding and supportive as I can.. I tell him all the things I do to sooth him however I find, he has no patience! If I tell him, try holding baby closer to your body, he prefers to be tucked in. He’ll try for like 30 seconds and if it doesn’t stop the crying, he moves onto something else. It’s so annoying to watch as he is so impatient and then just complains and doesn’t see how he is the issue not the baby. As a sidenote, i am exclusively breastfeeding but my mum is able to settle the baby just fine. So I think it is just my husband that’s the issue.. With my first; I tried getting him to give a bottle, as a way of bonding but he didn’t stick to it! Said it was taking too long to feed and burp the baby and the baby preferred the boob anyway. Lame excuse

Sounds like the baby is picking up on your husband's mood, which is just going to make things worse, not better. He needs to calm himself down before he can calm the baby down.

This is called weaponized incompetence. He won’t get better. You have to accept him for who he is and not the potential you see in him. He won’t get better. He doesn’t want to get better. Men like this aren’t worth staying with.

He needs ear plugs. I would try not to leave him alone too long during this phase. Many husbands struggle with the newborn phase, hang in there

I would personally not leave him alone with the baby for very long. Shaken baby syndrome is a real thing and sometimes caused by loving parents in distress.

Try earplugs for him

My partner really struggled in the newborn stage first time. And he is no different this time. He’ll crack on and do it and try his best but if baby doesn’t settle straight away he gets really frustrated. It does come across as frustrated with baby but it isn’t. And when I speak to him it’s apparent his frustration is with himself for not knowing what to do. Even second time round, they haven’t had the closeness of 9 months and the initial days of bonding. In fact, my partner bonded less with our second early days as he was entertaining our 3YO. Talk to him about what the frustration is, give him tips in a non patronising way on what works for you, and encourage him to find his own way to settle him. You may feel nervous but the best way to help him is to leave him on his own with baby to learn his own ways without feeling like your watching and wanting to step in.

If it’s specifically to do with the sound of the crying he might have sensory sensitivity? I get really agitated at loud noises like sirens and building works etc it’s like my brain doesn’t work when there’s lots of noise in the background. He could try loop earplugs, you can buy ones that dampen down the sound but don’t completely block it out so he can still hear baby crying but it’s not as overwhelming. I wear them in busy public places and feel so much calmer.