in laws refuse to accept babys name

yall, i have been with my husband for three years, we just celebrated our one year anniversary (marriage), and we have a four month old daughter together. when we got married, my husband changed his last name (from his dads to mine), and for some reason this set his paternal grandparents off. well we happened to get pregnant on our honeymoon, so the name change was still a pretty hot topic. for some reason, they thought that when the baby came, she would get my husbands maiden name (legally not even his name anymore). for the next several months, things slowly became more toxic and they were still refusing to accept the name change. every time we got something in the mail for my husband they put his maiden name (whatever, right). we saw them one last time before we had our daughter, literally the day before i was induced, and they asked if we could hyphenate our names for the baby (husbands maiden name-my last name). obviously we said no, and shortly after our daughter was born we ended up going NC with them. we since then havent spoken to them, when they call we decline, we dont respond to text messages or emails etc. last week, they texted us again asking us for our address (again), so we ignored them..again. they have no idea where we live because we moved less than a month before we had our daughter and decided not to tell them where to since we were debating on NC at that point and they’ve made a bad habit of showing up whenever they feel like and expecting to be catered around and treated like hotel guests every time (they live 3+ hours away and always expect to stay with us when they show up). so my MIL texted us this morning saying a package showed up at her house addressed to our daughter and sends us a pic and i burst out laughinggg. they put my name (spelled wrong in EVERY way possible) hyphenated with husbands maiden name. they know how to spell my name, its the most basic last name ever and theyve had no issue spelling it since the day we met, and the fact that they still had to throw in my husbands maiden name 😭😭 we joked about putting return to sender because we didnt know anyone by that name (obviously we didnt) just to clarify: i could care less about them refusing to accept my family name, its amusing to me and my husband, and i thought this group might get a kick out of it 😂

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Wow they are sooo immature💀

Had a similar experience, fortunately we’re good now but people go crazy about naming conventions… like how isn’t it obvious that love makes a family not names??

It’s so nice to see a husband who backs his wife 🙌🏽

Ok so clearly I have a different opinion to everybody else here (maybe it’s the British traditionalist in me?!) but I see why they are upset. Obvs some things are a bit laughable like writing the name wrong but generally, the older generation often feel things like traditions are really important to them and they probs just feel hurt. Yes it’s your choice obviously and I would have hoped over time they would just get over it but the fact that they are continuously trying to maintain contact and you have just shunned them completely seems a bit harsh when their feelings are valid and personal to them.The paternal name is connected to them. Taking the husbands name and passing the paternal family name is a tradition forever and I think a bit of understanding to how upsetting this could be to them could maybe go a long way in fixing this. But you don’t even sound like you care or want to fix the relationships which is sad. They probably won’t be around much longer.

Seems a bit harsh to cut family off for this. My grandma was typical backward minded MIL with not so appropriate mindset ( i mean she was illiterate because parents in her village didn't allow girls education) Anyways my point: i can not imagine not having her in my life. She may not havebeen a helpful MIL to my mom but she has loved us siblings soooo much and I always felt so lucky to have spend my childhood with them as they lived with us. And your husband may at some point resent you for removing his parents from his and his children's lives. But that's my perspective and obviously everyone has their thresholds.

@Amadea the funniest part is his dad isnt even in the picture, which was a major reason why he wanted to change his name instead of visa versa

@Jess i can absolutely understand tradition! i wouldve had no problem taking my husbands last name, however he didnt want me to. he planned on changing his name to his adoptive stepdads (his paternal family isnt in the picture much, and his dad isnt at all) before we even met. we very much so would love them in our lives, but there is much more to it than a simple disagreement in names. we’ve been no contact for nearly four months because of the trauma and disrespect towards my husband since he was a teenager, and when he is ready to reach out to them again i will support him and his decision the same i am now. his family, his choice. also not that it matters, but he does have other siblings who will pass along the family name (should they choose to) 🙃

@Evah they were not cut off for this reason, and it was his choice to go no contact. i am confident my husband will not have any negative feelings towards me for supporting his decisions, especially one he did not come to lightly. but thank you for your input 😊

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