How can I tell my SIL to stop interacting with my kids?
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I think that’s childish. If she’s not harming your kids then I don’t see why she can’t speak to her nieces/nephews at a family event and they have to wonder why their auntie is ignoring them. That’s adult business and should not have a domino affect on the kids. I think you’d sound so immature going up to her and saying don’t talk to my kids
@Kassia he just doesn’t bother with it and ignores it for a peaceful life
@Angel but don’t you think her being rude or ignoring me when I speak to her, in front of my young kids will impact them negatively?
I think you should just not speak to each other but I don’t think it’s fair for the kids to be ignored by their auntie. My mum didn’t get along with my older cousin who is old enough to be my auntie and it made things very awkward for me and my siblings at family events and even though she was so nice to us I felt like I was letting my mum down by secretly liking and getting along with her and felt like we had to pick a side over something that had nothing to do with us
I’m sorry but i agree if you are disrespectful towards me in front if my kid then that’s your relationship with my child over too.
@Angel that’s a fair point. Would you still think/advise the same if she’s also previously ignored the kids when they’ve gone over to her parents house? Or if she is ignoring me when I’ve spoken to her in front of the kids? The kids are under 3 by the way, if that helps.
If she’s ignoring the kids and disrespecting you in front of the kids / ignoring you, then yes I think it’s reasonable to address that behaviour and say she can no longer speak to you or the kids because she doesn’t know how to act or be civil for the sake of the kids
A peaceful life sounds like avoiding that SIL completely, tbh. If your husband isn’t defending you and standing up for you, then he is digging himself a grave when it comes to peace
Personally, I would still allow her to speak to your children at a party as you are stepping into slightly petty territory (although I understand why!) BUT I would go over whenever she speaks to them and if she says anything rude, inappropriate, disrectful to your children about you (or them) then I would say to my children, let's go and speak to whoever and then I would guide my children away from her. If she ignores you and children then that's a win and you should take it as one. As for your partner though, I do think you need to speak to him as you need to be on the same page.
@Angel would you consider it being disrespectful if she doesn’t speak to you or the kids when the kids are with you but as soon as she sees the kids without me, try to hold them etc. one is 3 months old by the way so not walking etc
@Grace thats the thing. If the kids are with me, she won’t greet me or the kids, she won’t come near us. As soon as she sees the kids near her and I’m not there, she’s interacting with them
She's a sneeky bitch then, but I would just keep a close eye on them and intervene whenever she goes to them. As your children are younger hopefully it'll be easier. But, again, this is why you need partner to be on the same page, then you could both be doing this.
I think maybe she wouldn’t speak to the kids when they’re with you because it’s awkward since you both don’t speak to each other but I wouldn’t let my baby be with her without me present as I believe children need to be of speaking age before being around someone you don’t get along with because you need to know what’s been said/ done and how they’re being treated
If I was in this situation I would get my husband to set boundaries
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@Grace that made me giggle. She has not issues with confrontation so I’m surprised she doesn’t purposely do it. Yeah I agree, he just always wants his family to get on even though for years I tried with her and he’s used to be rolling over
@Angel no she doesn’t care for awkwardness. She used to purposely approach someone next to me really overly nice to just upset me. She has guts, trust me. She turned up to my house when I had the baby when her family despite her not talking to me. I would greet her previously and she would look me dead in the eye, ignore me and walk off so she really isn’t the type to feel awkward 😂 if anything, I’m the one who feels awkward even if I’ve not ignored her!
Umm it is a tricky one. Personally, I would be asking yourself is she dangerous, if not then if she's holding 3m old then try to just shrug it off (still actively try to stop her as you don't like it but don't stress if that makes sense). But when it comes to her speaking to your children and they have understanding then I ddo think step in where you can. It's a faff but just watch the bitch and step in everytime, she'll get bored. Unfortunately, husband needs to realise the depth of this. I get being a peacekeeper 100%, but unfortunately, he's failing because the peace is not being kept so he needs to actively do something to ensure that the peace is kept. Does that make sense??
@Grace I try to tell myself that, but the thought of her interacting with my kids just really winds me up bc she puts zero effort even when we were on talking basis and then I’m like you purposely are rude and cold to me in front of my kids and I allowed it. I only stopped allowing it when the last time she ignored me, I said I’m not going to keep bothering to say hello to her bc she’s ignored me about 10 times in my whole life. But he’s definitely need to have a convo with my partner about it
Just because you don’t like each other, why can’t she have a relationship with the kids even just at family events? Sounds like you’re using your kids as a weapon.
@Jess because children learn by example. If you allow people like that into your life and your children’s life, then you are showing them that it is okay to be mistreated.
What's the big deal with her speaking to your kids? You sound very childish here I'm afraid! I can't stand my ex SIL, but I don't mind her interacting with my kids, as there's no reason for me to stop that relationship!
@Rebecca but would you still allow it if she is opening rude to you in front of them or if she ignores you right in front of them?
I suggest that you continue being the bigger person and speak only when necessary (i.e.-greetings/goodbyes). Don’t allow her attitude to affect yours. Never give her the satisfaction of seeing you upset. Don’t give her that power over you. As far as your kids are concerned, keep them away from her as much as much as you can. If she was able to be nice to them, sure your relationship with her doesn’t have to affect their relationship with their aunt. But if she’s being childish to you and them, then I wouldn’t feel pressured to subject them to her behavior. Hubby isn’t doing his part either. He should be advocating for and defending his wife. Him ignoring it lowkey makes him look weak… sorry. Is he non-confrontational?
Tell your husband to do it