Relationship Rant Needed

So I just need an outlet today. I am currently pregnant with twins (28weeks), my husband and I are both working full time; renovating our house, he works away 5 days during the week so I am managing daily activities plus house & construction admin etc that can't be done at the weekends. I need to emphasise that my husband us AMAZING with the practical things; he cooks and cleans when he is home and is working all weekend on the house renovation. He wants and is actively looking for a job closer to home. I know he is stressed and for the last few months all I've done is try to give him solutions because I feel like he can't enjoy any of our pregnancy which in turn upsets me. I have multiple health conditions so have a million and one appointments, blood tests etc to manage in addition to everything else. The only ones his work will give him time off for are the scans so most I have to go too alone. We had our 28 week scan today as well as 4 other appointments this morning, at 2 different hospitals. Husband booked a day off for this which was massively appreciated. We agreed that we would need to be up at 7am as my blood tests need to be done first thing before I take medication. 8am he is still in bed and I have asked as many nice/playful times as I can for him to get up and told him he was starting to stress me out about time. I got a snippy comment back that the more I asked the less he wanted to get up. I got frustrated because if I can force myself up on time when my back is killing me and It takes me 10 mins to waddle to the loo, I knew he could have. All he saw was that it takes him 5 minutes to get dressed. What he didn't appreciate was the impact on me from him not being up to help me. In the time he got up and dressed it meant it was down to me to: - get myself ready - make travel teas - pack food and water for the day - gather and make sure we had all the right doctors letters, notes etc - pack entertainment for the two hr gap between appointments. This resulted in me rushing around painfully fast, getting cramp and throwing up from reflux. (he knows this has been a pattern whenever I have to rush). We have been at the hospital all morning and he has barely said a word after I rushed him out of the house. Car rides were stony silence and this atmosphere overshadowed all the scans and appointments I had so been looking forward to him being part of. I tried all morning to placate his mood but honestly just feel like he was sulking and the day was ruined. When the midwife asked if I had enough support around me I said yes (because I do, practically), but I was sat there thinking in my head that I didn't feel supported emotionally at all. He is doing so much - practically- and i know the timeliness of the house is stressing him out and exhausting him. But I don't feel like he gets how emotionally and physically exhausted I am too. It's not his fault his job takes him away but it hurts me that the one day he is home he can't put on a happier attitude to make-up for it. I feel like the last time I saw him actually happy and excited was our 16 week scan when we found out the genders (2 months ago). He couldn't be there for the 20 or 24 week scan due to work and i also went through an emergency scan by myself at 26 weeks so I was really looking forward to him being with me today but now I feel like he's been in a foul mood and it's ruined it. Am I over reacting? 😔

Show your support

Show him this message. Just ask him to sit and read it ALL and think about.

I think you have over reacted. He seems very supportive and doing all he can. I would expect it was for me to get myself and the hospital letters ready, he wouldn’t know which ones. Snacks can be bought at the hospital so I wouldn’t have added the extra pressure. Entertainment would be our phones. Personally I would have let him have his lie in if he works away. He obviously needed it.

@Charlotte thank you, I was more upset about his attitude at the hospital but I do appreciate my emotions are all over the place at the moment which is why I asked. He refuses to buy any food or drink at the hospital as it is so overpriced so insists we take it with us. My notes are all in a folder that keeps being moved when he is decorating as the whole house is being done, so I was frustrated at having to run around the house looking for where it was when I was in pain then he told me he knew where it was and i should have guessed because it was "logical" . It's not so much about the actions as the overall emotional impact - i know I can't blame him for not being home but it frustrates me that he only sees the practical things that need doing (the house) and not that I need his support directky as im getting less and less able to do basic things.

I don’t think you are over-reacting. You are allowed to feel the way you feel. Pregnancy is tough physically and emotionally (even more so I imagine with twins!). I don’t think it’s always easy for others to get the emotional side of things. I would talk to your husband & explain how you are feeling - he sounds like a good guy. I am sure with all the emotion he will be able to see how this is affecting you. Hope you feel better soon.

Oh yeh he shouldn’t have sulked all day but I have over reactions too (usually as I didn’t prepare lol) but sounds as though he is supportive in other ways. As for the food I’d have said to get it himself if he won’t buy it 😂 x

@Charlotte thanks for your input, I am glad now that I didn't say anything or lose my cool but have explained why it made me feel stressed and he admitted he didn't think about how much I had to do as a result. ❤️

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