Tantrums help.

Could anyone point me in the right direction of how to handle ‘tantrums’ with my little boy. Anything can set him off but usually more so when tired and can’t communicate what he would like. Calming him down is what I’m struggling with. Are there any phrases / techniques I can use that might work better? I have tried to recognise & validate his feelings e.g. I know you’re feeling angry but we can’t hit… then redirecting, but you can give me a cuddle. I have tried counting to 10 and taking deep breaths but it just doesn’t work, he just can’t seem to calm himself down easily once he’s worked up. I know he’s still little and all about consistency but surely there’s something that will calm him down a little bit quicker. Today he’s screamed, kicked & hit for 20 minutes at least and every now and then he will calm down and then sit on my lap and throw himself off and gets worked up again. this just keeps repeating that until he’s burnt himself out. Please help I’m not sure what else I can try🙏

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Following as I’m also after advice

I haven’t done too much research as I’ve just started seeing tantrums (we have had a handful). I find that if he gets tired or hungry they tend to happen, so obviously keeping him full and making sure he gets enough sleep helps. I do sit with him and try to hug him as I find he flings his head back so I worry he will hurt himself. I try not to redirect (like make loud noises or put tv on or talk etc) as I want him to work through the whole tantrum himself and “feel” his feelings. They usually around 20 mins and always end with him cuddling me and lots of kisses. We have a drink of water ready (as he sweats when he cries a lot) and a snack so he can have something to take his minds off it afterwards. I don’t have anymore than that at the moment! The last one had was yesterday because I said let’s go to the pond and we didn’t leave the house IMMEDIATELY! It’s tough and physically drains me but I really try to breath through it and give him lots of deep hugs once it’s over.

If I can see my son is struggling to reach a toy or something and starts to wobble I will say quite loudly "mummy help" and help him with whatever he is trying to do. Other occasions like at toddler class when its time to put the prop back ill say "tata" so he knows its about to be taken. If he wobbles I say something like "oh you didn't want to give that back. Let's see what's next". Then not give him any more attention on it. I found when I was fussy and panicking about him giving off he kicked off more. Whereas when I address it and move on he stopped within seconds. We also use distraction/redirect attention if I can. But just naming the feeling or saying you can't do that/not safe etc then letting it ride out without a fuss from me seems to be working

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