Does your partner do nights?
Show your support
That doesn’t sound fair at all. No wonder you’re frustrated. I also have my moments as I breast feed and am the only one who can get baby to sleep but my partner will help with bath time a few nights a week when he’s off and sorts his own laundry and meals sometimes. Little stuff like whoever does the cooking the other person should do the dishes. You are also working full time hours. Since he drives to work would it not make more sense for him to drop baby off on way to work instead of you having to make a trip out and back? It can be really hard to have these convos without things becoming heated when you both feel like you do a lot but it looks like a clear divide of you doing everything for your baby plus working 40(?) hours and sorting meals laundry bedtime and morning times too! Some nights you deserve a sit on the sofa and to be cooked for or to have a lie in!
That doesn’t sound fair!! I went back to work full time and my husband is now part time. He does most of the house work, and cares for baby 2 days a week. If we’re all together I tend to look after baby more as I feel like I don’t see him as much otherwise. I do bedtime when I can and my husband does it when I’m working late. Night wakes are mostly shared but baby is still BFing so obviously needs me more. Husband does most nursery drop offs/pick ups as I start work too early and finish too late. I would definitely have a conversation! He might not realise how this is affecting you now you’re back at work as he hasn’t gone through that change recently. XXX
Definitely need to have a conversation about it soon. My husband works from home (well in his studio in the garden as a personal trainer) and will always have baby whenever he is not training someone. If it wasn't for the time I spend breastfeeding, I would say we probably have baby 50/50.
It sounds like you are juggling a lot! I also think it is worth a conversation about how you can share some of the duties, take turns, and help each other, and both have wonderful bonding time with your LO My partner has always helped during the night, as I breastfeed it, has mostly been changing nappies and settling our LO back to sleep if he didn't fall asleep right after his feed. Our LO sleeps through the night most nights now but can wake up early, and as my partner gets up around 5.30, he will take him with him for his breakfast and getting ready, so I can sleep a little more. Cooking, cleaning, bathtime, etc. are always shared, tho I do almost all bedtimes due to breastfeeding. I'm due back to work in January, and we are trying to organise our work, so we can take turns dropping off/picking up to try and shorten our LO'S day in nursery.
This doesn't sound fair at all, you're definitely not being unreasonable! Why isn't he cooking/doing chores while you're doing bedtime, at least? What's he doing instead? I'm still off work, but when my partner gets in he takes over with the baby. He'll do bedtime while I get our dinner on, we both tidy together after that. I do night wakes as bfing is the quickest way to settle him. He still doesn't sleep the best so my partner will get him up and get him changed in the morning so i get a few extra mins in bed and time to get myself ready.
Even if you weren't working this behaviour just is not acceptable. You're at serious risk of burn out so he needs to step up. If he does not wish to do so, he should question why he wanted a child in the first place.
What on earth. I would not accept that whatsoever, mat leave or no mat leave. It’s his child too, does he think he doesn’t have to parent? I agree with someone else who said it’s hard to discuss these things when both parties feel they contribute but this isn’t balanced based on your description. My husband does sometimes more than 50% when I’m just too wiped and he works and I’m on mat leave. And he wants to as he wants to care for his daughter. Defo need a conversation or you’ll burn out x
That sounds very tough! So, I’m back at work part time and my husband is full time and we share everything. I do most of bedtime while my husband tidies up and gets the house ready after we’ve all eaten. Our daughter doesn’t wake in the night really and he does the mornings and drop off to childminder or handing over to my mum as I leave at 6:30. Most of the time I do the pick ups and then on the day we both work from home we do drop off and pick up together.