Venting….😭😭😭😭

I don’t this might sound stupid and some might dismiss this as a PP mom’s depression but I just want to vent out here. My son was born 15 days premature and had issues with breastfeeding. So the lactation consultants at the hospital advised me to keep trying to pump and feed and also practice feeding my son directly. While doing so my son would cry and scream. But husband has issues with babies crying around him. So he would snatch him away from me and tell me to stop trying to breastfeed and just give him formula milk. Since then he got continued with formula and I eventually gave up as this would create extreme fights at home. Now my son is 1 year old but I have noticed that my son still has the sucking tendencies and at night either he wants his pacifier throughout the night or he will be continue to suck his milk bottle even though it’s empty. And also if I try to remove it, he really gets annoyed and screams !! Seeing him I just can’t help but wonder that had I continued to breast feed may be he wouldn’t have got into this habit. And every time I remember what my husband did, my heart breaks and I can’t help but hate him to the core!! I can’t forgive him! My life was a living hell throughout my pregnancy and he made it worse even thereafter.