Friend house stinks

Maybe she will see this post 👀

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Offer to help. Be honest about how much you love the friendship, and you would want someone else to tell you if you had “spinach in your teeth” so you’re doing the same for her. If your relationship can’t handle hard truths make a plan to have a cleaning party at your house then one at her house or vice versa, put on some music, get the kids involved and get into it. She might know things aren’t great but be totally overwhelmed. We all need help sometimes.

Maybe she has depression?

Usually I would help clean the house and if I’m super close to my friends I bath there babies just to help them before I leave but since you berly met i suggest not doing that soon but helping clean around the house is a start …. Ask her does she need any help how is she feeling mentally

Ooof, I just wouldn't go over. The next time she asks I'd tell her. "Your house smells and your child is always in dirty clothes" why sugar coat it. She must be aware as she changes the subject or has an excuse. I don't pussyfoot around anything anymore and my life has gotten so much easier. A child should be in a clean home. Does this woman look after herself? I'd assume not, but that's up to her. Her child should be clean and in a clean home until it can decide otherwise for herself. I'd just tell her. Suggest hanging out and heavily suggests anywhere away from her home. Tell her you love your friendship but you can't go to her dirty home anymore. If you fancied you could suggest helping her or give her some number of some affordable cleaners.

Honestly, I'd just tell her in the nicest way possible. Give her a shit sandwich, where you say something really nice about her, the ugly truth, then something nice to finish. Hey, new friend, I feel I need to address something with you, I've been holding off as I've been unsure how to approach it in the best/kindest way. Firstly, I am so happy I've met you and absolutely love spending time with you and kid, but I'm not comfortable at your home. I'm really sorry to have to tell you this but as a friend and someone that wants to stay in your life, I feel it's right I just tell you directly and also offer my help, should you want it? The issue I have is that your home is unpleasant to sit in due to dirtiness and smells, which are really strong to me. I can help you fix this, im not judging you as a person and don't want you take it that way. Id really like to help or alternatively, we can meet up somewhere else going forwards. I do understand that this may be hard to hear.

Again, I love you and the kid and think you are xyz (compliments), but I can't continue to come to your house as is. I hope you can understand, and we can work out the best way forward.

I have someone like this. I don't socialise but she latched onto me at school. Can't avoid her! She is relatively tidy but she doesn't brush her teeth, nor enforces her kids to either. Her house smells of urine too from her cats and it's like the outside is a jungle. She smells of BO (bigger lady) and I can also smell her bottom half. Thing is she's lovely, but it pains me to be around her. She's very headstrong so me avoiding her etc she brings it up. I can't put her down nicely so I'm also stuck. It's a no win situation!!

I wonder if something is wrong with the washer machine? Have you asked her to show you? While I get it, she could hand wash the clothes, that’s really time consuming and probably is the last thing she wants to do. They have those oxy clean things to clean your washer. Maybe just bring one and see if you can start a load or not. Clean the washer and then start a load bring spray and wash and help her. Maybe this woman needs some help and I think little by little you can help her build her confidence back and get back on her feet. She sounds sad, anyone living in those conditions isn’t happy.

By now you figured out she doesn't mind about hygiene and that is her choice. If you enjoy her company, could you meet elsewhere? A cafe, the park, somewhere "in the middle"? Tell her the Dr asked you to walk and prioritise fresh air.

@whitney it's a brand new washer and dryer! She doesn't really do anything when I'm there, just sits on her butt and watches TV.

@𝔾𝕚𝕤𝕖𝕝𝕝𝕖 I've offered other solutions like going to a park or something and she REFUSES as if her life depends on it. She won't hangout unless it's my place or hers and everytime she does come to mine, she leaves trash everywhere and won't help clean it up

Just start making excuses not to go to her house, say something along the lines of fresh air by Dr's recommendation so if she can't meet you'll have to just go alone. I'm sure she will get the gist of it eventually

@Anais maybe sugar coating it isn't the best idea? I'm just worried that we won't be friends anymore and that's my child's FAVORITE friend. Her child and mine are like two peas in a pod they love seeing each other and hanging out. I've gently told her subtlety before her house is nasty but she brushes me off and acts like it isn't an issue. So maybe being super blunt is the way.

@Amber I've cleaned her house up a bit! I've washed the dishes that she let pile up for a week (yes a week she said) done the laundry, I wash her child's stuff at my home because I can get the stains out by hand washing. I've moped the floors and it always gets dirty the next day because she doesn't keep up with the cleaning. I feel like I came off as rude and I swear that isn't the case I just genuinely care about them and I want her to understand why I refuse to go over anymore

I made a mom friend here after we moved from our home state and it's hard to do anything because she has 2 dogs (one is a 30lb puppy) and I can't stand being around them but she can't leave them unless her husband is home either and he's active military. It sucks but I try to be transparent about how I feel about dogs and they terrify my kid.

@Tiffany the thing is, she has no animals. I try to help and I've gotten told that "I'm one upping her by cleaning or buying them things to help out"... I'm at a loss

To have a clean home, she would have to change all her habits. You are basically asking her to have a different lifestyle and be a person she is not... not just to clean a bit. She doesn't want to. Either you tell her in the most friendly and clear way that you don't want to meet at her place, risking she may take offence and they will stop seeing you guys... ... Or stop seeing her so often or at all if it disgusts you so much. If I wanted to keep the friendship, I would ask them to meet at my place and I wouldn't mind cleaning a bit afterwards. You can always say... "OK before leaving it is time to clean up, everyone give me a hand, come on. X do this, Y do this and Z you do this".

I would also offer to wash the clothes of the kid every time she comes to my house. I bet you she will remember that when she is old enough to realise the condition of her home.

If you tell her you don't want to hang out at her house and her response is crying you don't want to be her friend....🚩🚩🚩. Find someone else. A healthy adult would either ask why and find a resolution or move on.

If she told you you’re trying to one up her by helping out, she honestly doesn’t sound like a very good friend to me. It’s also a little strange that she gets “sad” when you tell her no, like she’s trying to manipulate you. I can’t be the only one who thinks this… And to be honest, if she can’t handle constructive criticism from you, I would not continue the friendship. I’d personally feel like I have to walk on eggshells around her as to not upset her.

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I would put it across as you’re concerned for her child more than you are yourself. It’s not fair that 1 her child has to sit in a home that may not be cleaned properly for it to have a smell and also that her daughter is in dirty clothing. I personally would ask if there’s anything you could help out with, because you just don’t know if she’s struggling. Her worrying that you’ll cut her off because you don’t see her sometimes says a lot about her self esteem, and in turn about her mental state potentially.

@Breanna she did mention she had friends before comment on her house and she'd always get upset because it's not their place to say anything and I thought that was crazy... even talking to my man about everything and him seeing first hand how the child is dressed and their home he thinks I should just cut them out of my life but I'm just concerned for the baby. I just wanted to politely tell her it's nasty and terrible for the baby but I don't know how to deliver it without her losing her mind and crying over it. :/

@Christina🤱🏼🍂☕️♈️ This was my thought as well.