Husband considering joining the Army

Have you brought up these feelings with him?

@Myranda Not yet, I’m trying to talk with the girlies first haha. I feel like when you have had cheating or violations of trust you almost suffer from ptsd in a sense where even if trust is rebuilt and things change for the better, there are still certain triggers that are present that I have to work through sometimes or I spiral. I don’t want to kill his excitement with negative energy, but I will definitely bring up my worry at some point and talk it out. I just feel like he will definitely reassure me that won’t happen and try to ease my mind, but at the end of the day most men would, and he isn’t there yet, so hard for him to truly put it to bed in my mind ya know.

Yeah I get that. I’m sorry I can’t really help. I’m the type that thinks if they do it once that they’ll do it again. I’ll burn any bridge while I’m standing on it. SO, blood family, friends, etc.

@Myranda That is the case the majority of the time I think. He cheated when we were dating and much younger, so we are talking 7yrs ago maybe but I still feel like it’s a haunting thing regardless 😭

So I’m going to say this you married him. You have to be able to trust those vows that you both took. In my opinion if you married him you were willing to set this aside. You certainly can’t now 7 years later throw it in his face that you feel he would cheat so it’s a bad idea. Marriage is a commitment that you both took and it means you trust one another. I mean there is so much more but in this situation that’s the short end of it. Maybe you need to seek some counseling if you feel like talking to girlfriends doesn’t quite cut it bc yes it is like a ptsd when your trust has been broken. With all of that being said I would not have married someone who cheated on me. Especially if we were in a committed relationship. I don’t know much more than what you have said here it could have been a one time thing or there was some drawn out affair. But either way like I said when you said your vows you said I trust you and forgive anything before that. I think we all have troubles so I’m not

Judging you. I think there is always some kind of secret or something we don’t exactly want our partners to find out but they do and it’s up to them to accept it or not and that’s how you build trust and respect over time. There are also lines you don’t cross and that is different for us all as well. So you really need to dig deep and try to work this out with yourself. Again this is all my opinion and I’m not judging you. I really hope the best for you as you obviously have a child or children with your husband and I always wish everyone a happy and healthy home.

My husband is ex Marine and he said that most of the marriages either one or the other partner was cheating definitely. I couldn't do it personally. My husband might be gone a couple weeks on a job here and there and we miss each other too much as it is- I typically go with him

@Elysha Yeah I mean you’re right, I still chose to marry him, and I did set what he did aside but it doesn’t take away the traumatic response you know? I don’t put it on him, I usually keep that to my inner thoughts but military is just such a hotbed for cheating I think it’s just a trigger to make me worry. I’ll talk with him about it without placing assumption or blame, just make sure we have firm boundaries.

@Tiffany Aghhh exactly!!! So much cheating 😩 The idea of it just stresses me out

My husband wouldn't voluntarily leave us for more than a 10 hr shift 😅 the Marines led to his career but that's something younger kids do. Doing it older seems like filing for bankruptcy or moving to Alaska to work on a oil rig. You don't do that after you have kids..

There is nothing wrong with bringing up a fear with your spouse, especially if it happened in the past you should be able to talk about anything with your husband

I get how you feel. I hope he doesn’t cheat on you if he does end up joining but honestly if he’s going to cheat nothing you say will stop him. It just means he’s done you a solid by showing you he’s not changed and you can find someone who respects you

@Tiffany Yeah he wants to join and switch to reserves. The benefits would help us get a house, pay for the kids college and his mom works for the VA so any potential VA benefit would be amazing because it’s not taxable income, you get it for life and your spouse gets it if anything happens. It would also help him get access to free training for a skill set he can use in the civilian world. Marines have you moving constantly and going away and engaging combat. Army is petty basic, as long as he tests well he can have very regular job options, from HR to electrical…so goal is something low key. My dad is a colonel in the Marines and was active duty and we had to pick up and move every year during my childhood and he would be gone for months to a year sometimes, I definitely don’t want to do that again and neither does he. He is really stressed about having to leave us for basic training because he works remote now so we are always together!

Ok, it sounded like he wanted to check out but I'm glad that's not the case!! Benefits are legit and job placement. Deployment is never guaranteed - I'm glad Trump is winning but that'd be my only concern because of what's happening out east- withdrawing our troops was terrible. But there are always skilled trades- like electrical -although they don't offer the benefits. I was in construction myself my whole life after highschool and it paid well but my body is definitely worse for wear. I'm glad your relationship sounds better than I took from the post!