Do you pick up your baby when they want you to?
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Yes. I pick up my baby when he wants me to. Nothing wrong with giving the baby all the love they need, it doesn't make them soft it makes them strong! ♥️ I think our society is obsessed with independence and making baby independent. It's okay, we will never get these years back, better to enjoy it the best we can.
there’s an old phrase elders around me told me; “9 months being in, 9 months craving being on, 9 months wanting to be near”. Babies are brand new. The most comforting & safe feeling presence is their mother. It’s what they’ve known the longest.
Why is your husband concerned about your son being soft in the first place? That reads toxic masculinity. Because what is wrong with you nurturing your child?! Your parents are supposed to be your safe place. Where you feel the most secure! Keep following your instincts momma! Your husband needs therapy to reprocess his views of masculinity!
I pick up my babies if I can. But they need to learn patience as well, if I'm doing something and I can't pick them up right away, unless they're truly distressed, I do make them wait. I talk to them while they're waiting.
@Ella yes, like I said I'm not constantly holding him! I have a 3 year old who needs attention too, plus a house to maintain and meals to cook lol! I'm absolutely not caudling him, so I'm just not sure why my husband is so concerned
My little ones are 4 and 2.5 and I still pick them up most of the time they ask. They're getting heavy though so I can't really carry them around haha. Just pick them up for a hug or quick piggy back ride.
Fragile masculinity at work again
Um, what?! Loving your child is not making him soft. My husband accuses me of the same bullshit and I tell him I’m Raising the son the way you should have been. His parents abused him to the point I’m still questioning why CPS never took him and why he even bothers entertaining them!
It’s a part of a secure attachment that they immediately look for or go to momma. Developmentally, it’s actually a great sign that he comes to you❤️It’s been proven that children with secure attachments become more likely to try new things and take risks bc they know momma is there to support them. So go you!💪👏
Please tell your husband to pick a book. All child development research shows that a healthy adult is born from a securely attached baby. It’s common knowledge and why we are doing away with notions like “cry it out”
My hubby will hold baby any chance he gets. He works 10 hrs a day already complaining that he doesn’t get enough time w the baby, that they grow so quick. He blinks and they’re a year old he blinks again and they’ve turned 2?! So if there’s a baby in the house and he’s around, he holds them. Tell your hubby that they are not babies for long- maybe don’t blink and they won’t ever turn 1. Or 2 or 5. My 5yr old doesn’t get “picked up” but he asks for hugs a million times a day and he’s very very affectionate and loves kisses and cuddles from me still.
Whenever I m busy I LL make him wait a bit but yes I pick him whenever he wants it. One day he won't want to be in our arms anymore or won't fit in it anymore... I plan to enjoy it anytime I can. Also no baby get stronger for not being cuddled. That's a very weird way of thinking
Thank you all for the reassurance ❤❤❤
you aren’t a drug youre his mama.. he’s still a baby. i pick up my 2yo most of the time when she wants, like others said obviously you can’t every time
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My 2 year old still wants held 27/4. She’s always been a Velcro baby. But we have a newborn now so she is sadly having to try to adjust not being held allllll the time. She’s still held a ton though
He’s 16 months old. I promise he isn’t going to be in high school still wanting you to hold him. Tell your husband he needs to chill
What’s wrong with a man being emotionally “soft”? Does he mean emotionally intelligent and empathetic lol
You can’t hold your baby forever!! And loving them doesn’t make them soft that’s the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard🩷
Your mama and always will be. It's his job to teach him how to be a man. It's your job to be nurturing and loving. You are doing great. Just remember to not disagree or overly baby him when your husband is trying to talk to him. The baby will pick up the roles
It’s not possible to spoil a baby with love or “make them soft”. In fact you help them be independent by giving them secure attachment and love
My husband said this a couple months in, I ignored him because I think it's madness and there could be so many different reasons why he wanted to be picked up. He's not soft just loves his mum
Yes
I want my baby to know he is loved and I am there when he needs me
You’re doing a great job and all of those signs are signs of a healthy attachment. Your baby feels safe with you when he feels disregulated ❤️ We’re raising a new generation and just because we were raised differently doesn’t mean that is the way… just look at our world 🤷🏼♀️
If my baby(ies) want me to comfort them/ hold them/ and snuggle I WILL. Idc. There’s only so much time they let you do this before they don’t want you too. Showing your child love or by catering to these small things does not make them soft. My boyfriend said this to me the other day and I told him that I was sorry that he was neglected physical affection from his parents 🤷🏻♀️ (he was) I grew up with very affectionate parents and I still know how to hold my ground. Idk why some people think you can’t do these things without it making your kids soft or whatever. Weird mindset to me. 🤷🏻♀️
My husband says the exact same thing about our 15 month old. Such an old school notion. I often think it might be a bit of jealousy, honestly. You do what you feel is right!
@Megan I think this is the case with him too... his parents were never very affectionate and still aren't. They're more concerned with themselves than their children or grandchildren. As a result he's definitely grown apart from them. We see my parents far more often, and they live in a diff city. His parents live 10 mins away from us lol
@Rosie usually I just brush it off, but it turned into a big fight yesterday. I stuck with my thoughts and held my ground.. he ended up coming to the realization that what he's been saying really is stupid lol
Continue doing your motherly thing your son will love you for ever,
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Mine tells me this as does his family. But I just tell them to kiss my ass.
@Heather LOL I live for this response
Hey momma, your baby will only be a baby for so long. So, no I think it’s important to provide that love and affection especially because dads are normally tough with boys and much softer with girls
Where's the option for just a NO, without the "making them soft" comment?
Ah I clicked the wrong one cause the question said am I wrong for giving my baby the attention he needs, of course not there just babies😊xx
My girls 9m almost 10m I work 40hr a week as a preschool teacher & she's in the infant room. 1000% I pick her up when she wants me too I get 1 1/2hrs before work & 2-3hr after work Mon-Fri. Those 4 1/2hrs mean EVERYTHING to me we're up each other's butt's till bedtime🤣🫶🏻. Even tho I hold her 80% of the time we're together.. she could care less about consent attention at "school" from her teacher whom she loves. But fr those 4 1/2hr weekdays & 48hr sat-sun are absolutely everything to me❤️
Maybe he didn’t get held much as a baby or has mommy issues(and/or masculinity insecurity issues) cus a child needs their mothers love
Not always...sometimes I'm busy.