Am I overreacting?

So any little issue I have when it comes to raising my child or how family members interact with my son I’m being told that I need to stop adding in all this psychology and emotions because I’m over complicating it. So last night my ex and I had a little disagreement on punishment styles based off of empire the show. So if you’ve seen it, it’s the scene where Jamal is playing dress up as a young child and Lucious goes to punish him and put him in the bin. My ex agreed and said more shouldve been done, I looked at him like he was a mad man and said do you know how traumatising that is for a child who is just exploring, they’ll have no means to know what they’re doing. He said good because it’ll teach them not to be a girl if he’s supposed to be a man act like it. I said to him of course you would think like that when your parents used physical punishment to mold you into who you are but it’s actually not normal and not good for development and he just laughed at me saying I need to stop being so weird and bringing emotions and psychology into everything. His mum says the same thing to me when I disagree with her or voice my opinions. I just want to know if anyone thinks that’s like overreacting because I get told it so often by them I’m starting to think it’s not normal if that makes sense. I’ve spoken to my friends about it but they can see where he’s coming from. And not to be extreme but his parents literally beat him, kicking, scratching AND punching him because he got his ears pierced at 14! Then when I braided his hair the first time we were 17 and he came to mine the same night because his dad kicked him in his stomach for "being a girl" and his mum watched. She didn’t deny any of this and when I was pregnant, said boys need a parent to fear to keep them in line 😳 Anyways after this I’ve not spoken to him or let my son speak to him. Am I maybe overreacting? It’s not like he’s reached out himself but I feel like I need to be the bigger person in this co parenting stuff