Partner issues

Hello, Posting anonymously as a bit of a touchy subject. I had the idea of being a wonderful loving family with me, my husband and my baby. I don’t know if it’s because the baby now comes first now but my priority is her and being with her but he goes out a lot and that’s not what I had in mind. Obviously he can go out, I’m not saying I’m a wife that says he can’t go out that’s just rude but I thought he would want to spend more time with us but he goes out at least once at the weekend and there has been a few times he said he will be back for bedtime but hasn’t. He went to play cricket the day after she was born and went to watch a friends play football when she was a few days old and I just thought we we would live in a newborn bubble but that never happened. Especially the first two weeks of her, I didn’t think we would be doing anything else. I guess I just thought as he was such a lovely husband that he would be an amazing dad but I don’t see him as an amazing dad. When he’s home I do everything for her anyway and he only really holds her and plays with her when I ask him to 🤣 or if o ask him to do her happy. He is good at helping our around the house as I struggle to do anything else other than attend to the baby. Anyone else relate?

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I defo can relate to this

Hi, I don’t have any advice but it was like reading my exact situation! My partner is literally pretty much word for word exactly the same and from birth too, he was out playing tennis with friends the day after birth and everything else you say can totally relate. When talking to friends with now grown up kids I’ve been told to just give the baby to him and say ‘I’m going for a run/coffee’ etc and try give them opportunity to bond - I haven’t actually done this yet as nervous about leaving her but will try it at some point. It’s hard to deal with the disappointment of how you expected your partner to be with your baby and how they are. I’m struggling with this a lot :( want him to be as loving and naturally spend time with her as I do, but nope literally only when I ask him to

My life is the exact same

Thank you, it’s nice to reach out and understand others feel the same. I just had really high expectations and they’re not being fulfilled - I guess they were high anyway… It’s just, I guess I can’t comprehend how he can just be like ‘I’m going out for a few hours’ and be fine to leave the baby where as I cant imagine not being with her for more than a few minutes 😅 I guess we have the bond more as they grew inside us?

I totally understand this! I also I had high expectations, I was brought up with a very hands on dad who as my mum put it ‘she didn’t have to change a single nappy at night’ and have been told was very much an equal care giver from day 1, regardless of the working/mat leave divide. So personally i had high expectations of somewhat the same! Also totally get you here! I went for a run for 30 mins and missed my little one so much! My partner doesn’t find that at all when he’s at work and then out for drinks or whatever. It’s just feels like we are having too completely different experiences of parenthood! But agree we must have a much stronger bond from carrying them I guess

I'm not in the exact same situation, but my husband works away and left when she was 1 month old. He came back in September for 3 days, and she started crying, and he immediately wanted to give her to me. I just told him straight that he needed to bond with her and to think about what type of father he wants to be. He is a great husband and he realised that if he wants a good relationship with her, then he needs to work now and not just when she is "good" or older. Maybe try and voice it in a way that makes him realise he wants to change and not like you're pushing him to do it? X

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