Hard and stressful

My daughter is really becoming a challenge to parent and it's really stressful. I didn't know 3 year olds could be so rude and defiant. Her speech is very advanced and uses phrases in context such as when being asked to stop doing something yesterday she replied with "what are you going to do about it lady"....I question where I have gone wrong....my husband and I have a very lovely relationship we don't argue in front of her (rarely argue anyway) we don't use foul language ....there are other examples but I won't go on... She refuses to listen, I know she can hear me but she chooses to ignore, she has started refusing to get dressed, shoes on, whatever it is you name it she won't do it.... We have a teeth brushing chart which works well and I'm starting to think of creating a get ready chart.... The childminder commented the other day that she had had a very stubborn day unusually and I thought ...that's not unusual for me ?! Her sleep is has really changed....she refuses to nap anymore, that's fine, so bed time is a lot earlier but now she's kicking off at bedtime, parent swapping, running around, being stupid, won't put pj's on...then it ends up in a tantrum when it should be calm 😭😭😭 Weeks of this now and we are broken parents ...really struggling!!!! I know lots of us in the same boat together with this but I was hoping for another baby, but I feel like I cannot do this again I really can't... Last night she woke multiple times too and this has been a recent thing also ... Any words of wisdom welcome !!!!

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I don’t have any words of wisdom but also having similar problems with my son. He also has very advanced speech so things he says can come across very rude. I don’t know why we were told two is so terrible when 3 seems to be the hardest so far. I don’t think you have done anything wrong, I think these little ones are just very strong willed. Totally normal for her to be better behaved at the childminder than with you though. You’re her safe space where she can let all of her big feelings out. Mines been waking 3-4 times a night for the past few months and I’m pregnant too so I am exhausted with it. Honestly not sure how I’m going to cope when the baby gets here. He was a lot less challenging when I actually got pregnant. If you do want another don’t let her behaviour stop you as chances are her behaviour will have changed again before baby arrives. We had a really challenging day yesterday so I am praying for an easier day today. Wishing you an easier day too x

Hi, let me first say you’ve done absolutely nothing wrong. 3 is so challenging with some toddlers - take it from a former nanny of 14 years! Terrible twos? Dream land. Terrifying threes - hello! They’re pushing boundaries, they’ve found their voice, their brains are running on overtime hearing and seeing what others do (at the park, playgroups etc) and copying that behaviour to see what the reaction is. My best advice is to get on her level and lower your voice to get her attention. Follow up bad behaviours by asking along the lines of “would you like it if mummy said that to you” and when she undoubtedly says “yes” tell her why she wouldn’t like it. On the subject of you having a second child, I have a 3 year old and 20 month old, I thought my second would be weaned and sleeping through the night by now like his big bro, what a dream land I was in. Just because your first is going through a horrible phase doesn’t mean a subsequent child will, you can do this

No wisdom. Just solidarity. All the same behaviour here, Only difference is my son is non verbal. We thought it was because he was non verbal that it has been so hard. Turns out it might not have changed anything!

They don't call it threenager for nothing 🙈 starting to push boundaries and test what they can get away with and frustrated when been told what to do or no. You've done nothing wrong but totally understand that self doubt that sinks in during the hardest times.

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