Am I the AH?

We visit family cottages often but have a smaller bed. At home we use a side cart and a king bed, but here we have a double bed…and a separate crib. My fiancé likes to get drunk with our family, which I totally get, but I haven’t drank for a few years now (one pregnancy loss then pregnant and now our LO is 8months. We are slowly working on a crib transition but still spend 75% of the night with him in our bed. My fiancé and I had a deal that if he drinks, he sleeps in my siblings room (since they aren’t up and nobody cares if we take over their room), so that it’s not risky for our bub being in our bed, and I get some sleep too since if not, I’m not paranoid AF. My fiance was going to go away with friends for the weekend, so I chose to take babe to my parents cottage to take in the fall colours. Well my fiance didn’t want to be away from bub for two nights so he decided to come. Now he’s PO’d because I asked if he would sleep in the other room. So he’s making sober comments and me dictating his evening, and that he shouldn’t have come. Am I just overly paranoid because I don’t drink? I use to be a fun drinker lol! But I know so many of the issues with co-sleeping come from parents that weren’t sober…. Even me offering to sleep on the crib mattress on the floor with babe has him thrown off. We’ve done this before and no issues or anything so idk why now. We never planned to co-sleep but after lots of health issues and living at the hospital for weeks, it’s what my mama heart needed and babe is a shitty sleeper unless with me. He’d be up every 15 needing to be rocked but with me he’s up only twice a night. Am I overreacting??

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The safety advice from lullabytrust about bed sharing is that there aren’t any adults in the bed who have had alcohol, so in my opinion you are doing the right thing by asking him not to stay there. I’m a bit confused because if he was planning on going on a trip then he’d have been away from the baby anyway? I think as a human, his annoyance is valid and natural, but you are in the right here.

I think you're reasonable. If he's annoyed he came. We'll it was his choice he could have gone away with friends and he chose not to so he has to live with that. Compromising your sleep safety won't make his evening more fun, honestly.

You’re being perfectly reasonable, it’s unsafe for baby if one or both of the parents is not sober. I’m sorry you’re recovering pushback

@Beth thank you for this 🙂 he was going to go away for just Saturday night, so I decided to go to the cottage for the whole weekend just so bub doesn’t have back to back driving days since it’s a bit of a drive. Hubby decided not to go on the trip, stayed home Friday night to visit a friend at home, and then came Saturday to the lake

Thank you everyone! He does help a lot with any jobs we have around the cottage so I’m grateful for him putting in effort, but I think it’s the fact that my family totally understands our sleep situation, and that our bed size alone makes it tricky to co-sleep so they think it’s crazy not to take advantage of a second bed. But I personally think he gets embarrassed by it, as if I’m kicking him out, which totally isn’t the case. I’m a majorly needy sleeper and run cold so I love having him in our bed! I just don’t love having to be constantly in a light sleep making sure he doesn’t roll on him, or having to sleep with babe against the wall side and me only sleeping on one side all night unable to flip babe for feeds, or sneak away to pee🤦🏼‍♀️

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