Divorce

How old is your baby? Is there something missing from this? Were yall already having problems? I feel like your husband should be trying to help you not worried about dating

9 months. No real problems prior he just does what he wants. I can’t get much help from him which makes him upset when I ask. He doesn’t seem like he wants to be here but refuses to ask for a divorce. He wanted a open marriage so I gave it to him and now he’s gone more and helps less. So I’m just taking the step first for his happiness.

You sound a decent person wanting the best for him.. but what about the best for you and your baby! Screw his happiness he should be concentrating on supporting you and his child during your PPD instead of trying to date other people! You clearly deserve better than that. Please seek help for yourself and get as much support as you can❤️

From what you’re saying I wish you would take a step back. Divorce might be a good idea for YOUR wellbeing fuck him. 9 months is crazy to be asking for dumb shit like this. If you’re going to be a single married mom be a single mom I bet it’s better since you’ll have peace of mind and don’t need to expect or hope for anything from him.

It sounds like you're feeling pretty unloveable and if I'm hearing you right, it seem like the seeds of this feeling were planted by this guy before your baby came. Postpartum is very common in women who don't get enough support. It's not because there is something wrong with you. You're having a NORMAL response to an ABNORMAL environment. Do you have a safe place you could go with your LO for a couple nights? To get some distance from the situation. You do not deserve to feel this way.

@Daija That’s why I decided to take the first step in this. Im sad but I know it’s not the end of the world. He has good qualities I just don’t think he’s a good match for me after all this time. I don’t want anything in the divorce and want him have complete happiness and I’m not that for him.

I get it. Your wording just really centers his happiness and seems to blame yourself. When making decisions I’d just recommend centering you and your child’s wellbeing and happiness

After having a baby, it takes a woman 6 months for the internal "dinner plate" wound to heal. It takes 12 months for her body to physically recover, 2 years for hormones and brain chemistry to settle, and up to 5 years for her to rediscover her identity and purpose. Most relationships struggle during this time due to a lack of understanding and patience. Be kind and patient with yourself.

I agree with the other advice completely. It’s nice to worry about his happiness and well being, but there’s a severe imbalance going on here regarding the give and take in your relationship. You’re struggling (understandably) and the focus should really be shifted to you during this time period, by both you and him. He seems to be solely focused on himself, and at a time when you need him most. Life continues to throw challenges and everyone deserves the kind of partner that faces them with you. Otherwise, it’s not a partnership worth having imo. You should be filing for divorce because YOU deserve better.

The fact that you deserve better might be hard to see right now, possibly because you’ve been made to feel this way by the dynamics of your current relationship… and, I hesitate to say this, but it seems like there might be some underlying manipulation and emotional abuse going on. I’m sorry for overstepping here, but I feel like I need to because I’ve been in a similar situation in the past. Do you have someone like a therapist to talk to about your PPD and your relationship? It helped me to lift the fog of distortion that my reality had become. I needed someone to reflect back to me what was truly happening in my relationship… it helped to break the “spell” that some people are so good at creating. Also, I worry that he won’t want you to divorce him, because people like my ex husband at least, actually want exactly what’s happening. So don’t forget how he’s treated you over these last 9 months or what you deserve, regardless of what he says.

Again, I’m so sorry if I’ve overstepped or if I’m way off base. This could all be a projection on my part. I was going to delete my messages but my conscience wouldn’t let me. Please reach out to a professional to talk about everything regardless. Sending you lots of love and strength.

@Kate No truly thank you for a different insight of things. You are not over stepping. I fully need to talk to a professional about everything but I use to fully understand my emotions it’s just hard to balance them after having a baby. It’s like I fully know what to do which is going through with the divorce but everything is conflicting with how sad everything has been.