Fed up of having to teach a full grown man

I recently gave the ultimatum to the father of my child. After years together break ups and all, I always seem to be the problem, no as affectionate not a caring, like I used to be. We have a 9 month old, he has changed maybe 10 -15 nappies, bathe him twice which basically is just pick baby with the towel… taken baby on a 30 minute walk on his own before coming back saying baby is hungry. Asking me what is wrong with him like I am born a mind reader. We are both parent to this child. He always said he is tired, is dinner ready, he is depress and that his adhd and childhood trauma makes it hard. He doesn’t work, I used to do all the doctors, admin and all… on top of cleaning and looking after our son from 2 days postpartum. Dealt with postpartum rage, hormonal changes and all on my own. He called me narcissist so many times, pathetic, trying to deprive him from seeing his son to punish him. When he is the one who never comes spends time with us. We both have our own properties, but we had plan that after baby we should work our living arrangements for support. However, he needed up saying he needed time for himself, to grown, that is toxic to be around each other so much because we won’t appreciate each other presence. Been trying to work any issues out for the sake of baby and our family but tbh I am done. I told him I will not tolerate any more chances for him to degrade my value like that. Now he always wants to see our baby the days I am not available as spending time with family and baby. He only comes and plays him on the floor, doesn’t cook him any food, has no clue what or how much baby eats, doesn’t know when to even check his nappy, can’t put him to sleep. And he seems to think that baby will just go to sleep when we is tired. Tbh I don’t trust him in his own with our kid. Be can’t barely look out for his own appointments, schedules, food in the fridge. Now my point, when speaking to his mother she says, well he has never taking him out on his own. You should go with him until he is comfortable so he can do it later. I had to explain to her, that he is a grown man and nobody was there to “teach” me when on how to take my baby on a walk , it needs to come from within to bond with him. He has also said to me, “ you wanted LO, as much as I love babyand he is my son, he loves with you and he is your responsibility” yet he is also trying to tell me how to mother, what to feed him or not because soy is bad and this is and the other, how to dress him when is cold and all.. is so infuriating. Am I right to react the way I am or am I crazy over the top!