Stress / advice / opinions

Does anybody else’s partner not understand how stressful it is to not have an income. I’m getting paid maternity allowance from the government but other than that I have no savings or anything. In fact, I have debt I need to pay. Roughly £3/4,000. My partner has been working a lot of overtime to earn more money and to help me not stress as much and I’m very very appreciative of that. However, he keeps suggesting about getting takeaways and today he grabbed my phone to start ordering a dominoes and I said no multiple times and he eventually got annoyed at me. I wasn’t even saying no just because of the money but also because we specifically said that we would start getting less takeaways. We literally had an Indian takeaway two nights ago which I paid for. So it’s not like I’m not not paying for any takeaways. I know this sounds ridiculous but I just stress so much about money and he just doesn’t get it

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I feel exactly the same at the moment. On SMP, I've lost about 2k a month, and I'm so stressed over it. My partner is the same, so whenever he suggests eating out or takeaways, I just make it very clear that I can not afford it and if he wants to pay for us to go dinner/ get a takeaway it is on him but I cannot and will not be paying. It's definitely made him stop suggesting it as much!

@Bethany see I’ve tried saying that but my partner just gets upset so then I feel bad and say “oh I’ve changed my mind go on then”. I know it sounds like a manipulative tactic on his behalf but he genuinely does understand most of the time but sometimes he doesn’t and I feel so bad. I also have given in my resignation to my old job and now need to find a weekend / evening job as my old one wouldn’t have suited looking after our baby. So that’s added stress 😭 Are you paying rent or bills? Is your partner also keeping note of how much he spends for you to pay half when you can?

Aw yeah, my partner used to do that too, and I just ended up just chatting to him and telling him how it was making me feel and he got it in the end. That sounds like a nightmare. Hopefully, you can find one soon! Yeah SMP just about covers my rent and bills, I saved some money to top my wages back up, and my partner saved to cover the rest of the months I'm off, which has been a life saver, he doesn't expect any of it back. I've got an appointment at the job centre on Monday, apparently you can top up maternity pay with universal credits, that might be worth looking at for you too whilst you're off?

@Bethany aww that’s really good! How long are you planning on staying off work? I’ve had a look at universal credit already and they say I’m not within the category/necessary circumstances to earn it but that may change once my mat leave payments end

Partner taking notes of how much you spend feels like he's not treating you two as a team. Is he going to expect the kids to pay him back later for nappies food etc?

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