I am unsure of what to do.

Please take him at face value and allow for the space.. if he is asking to separate then accept that. I know you just want things to still feel intact but the reality is he CHEATED and broke your trust. If he’s saying you shouldn’t trust him, then that says a lot! He’s prone to cheating again and you do not want to put yourself in a position to brush things off and not put yourself first for the sake of a relationship with a man that has very little respect for you. Everything will be okay. xx

I would focus on yourself during the separation. There are men out there that don’t cheat

I would break up. Because it just gets worse with the trust thing.

If he is asking to separate, then I say give him and yourself that time. However, lay down very strict boundaries. Some people think that because yall are separated, then sleeping with other people is okay. So make sure to make it clear that yall are not to sleep with other people and that this is a chance to regain some trust and yalls relationship back. If he can stay loyal while yall are apart, then you can try to mend your marriage, but if he can't be loyal then unfortunately I think it might be best for you to leave him. It will be hard either way but you know what's best for you in the long run so do what your gut tells you to do.

@Erica we have been together for almost two years and it's pretty much both of our longest relationships. He wants to fix things. And he does respect me a decent amount because he didn't lie about it.

I am certain this must be a very difficult moment for you and I’m going to try pass on the same advice my therapist gave me when I was going through something similar.. it was that I had to let go, so I did. It might only get worse because trying to fix things in the heat of the moment might only trigger you and make the situation even worse. I don’t know the entirety of your dynamic but the space might be good for the both of you, mostly you because your trust was betrayed and you cannot heal that with the person that caused the pain. I am sending you a tight squeeze and I hope you find healing in this confusing time.

Have a break and I’m sure during that break you’ll realise how much of a sc*m he is

If he is asking for separation it means he knows he needs to think about things on his own. And that’s okay. That’s good. Get professional counseling through this. Also… Did he keep it from you and you found out and confronted him? Or did he bring it to you himself. Because there is a big difference…

@Ashley I found out, he said he was scared to tell me and wanted to butter me up before telling me. I told him that would be manipulative and he saw my point. And told me he was sorry

I’m very sorry for this challenging situation you are going through right now. Based on the research I’ve done I don’t think separation is generally a good idea when trying to repair a relationship. That may just make you crave each others company more but it won’t necessarily lead to real healing. If you both want to repair the relationship you should find a couples therapist and start working with them together. They have both the experience and the knowledge to evaluate these situations and help you decide whether the relationship is repairable. If you need recommendations for good therapists check out growingself.com. Also- just know there is nothing wrong with wanting to try to salvage the relationship- if you are both in genuine agreement on this then that’s already a step in the right direction!

@Dorothy thank you, the way it all happened gives me hope he really does want to fix it the right way. I don't want to separate either I just want his comfort. And I feel 100 times better bc he didn't lie or gaslight me

if he truly respected you he wouldn’t have cheated. i’m sorry 💔

Definitely be open about your feelings with him! Therapy can help provide a space to discuss your feelings and for him to learn how to effectively provide the comfort you are looking for at this time. Sending you lots of love ❤️

Once a cheater always a cheater. Sorry 🤷‍♀️ I was married 3 years and together 5. Caught him multiple times after he said he wouldn’t ever do it again. You’ll never have the same trust. Together with different men after that as well who cheated or were married and I didn’t know. I have someone now who truely loves me! He would never step out. Worships the ground I walk on and my daughter.