Does your partner let you know when they’re going out/where they’re going/how long they’ll be gone for?
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@Rachel we have kids but he doesn’t even parent like that so when he leaves I don’t feel a difference when it comes to dealing with the kids. I really don’t think he’s cheating since he’s always been like this.
I'm sorry to hear that. Why have kids? If you're not actually going to help bring them up 🤨 sounds like you need to have a stern chat with him about what his priorities need to be.
Totally not normal. So he does consider you are always home with the kids ? I mean, what if you start to do the same? What about the kids ? Also, out of the kids responsibility, that's basic respect towards your partner to give info about what, where, when and with whom he is.
Yea no. This is how my dad was growing up and he was a disrespectful cheater. My husband and I share location and communicate where we are and what we’re doing at all times. We are usually together if we’re not at work, it is our assumption that all of our non work time will be spent together.
@Rachel yeah it’s really weird. He has a Middle Eastern background so it’s cultural. Fathers basically begin parenting once their kids can start to speak. Ours are still really young but I do believe he will change once they’re a bit older. He isn’t totally useless. If asked will help with feeds every couple days😂😂🥲
@Aurélie absolutely. I’ve been thinking about doing this to see how he reacts. Might try it when he comes back and go get myself some fresh air 😁 I’d feel bad for my kids though ☹️
Do not feel bad. You also deserve a break. Get out and leave him with the kids. And TAKE YOUR TIME. If he doesn't get it at first, do it again, and again.
He doesn’t respect you and this isn’t normal. If you’re in a loving relationship your partner would share with you what he’s doing outside and would want you to know where he’s going. It is suspicious and he could be cheating. But cheating suspicion aside, he just does not respect you at all. This isn’t normal behavior.
Me and my husband always say “hey do you mind if I go to xyz on this date?” We both always say “you don’t need to ask!” But it’s just nice to do so. I’d never say no and nor would he but i would be very upset if he just went out and told me 5 mins before. There’s been times on a Friday he’s rang me at work and been like “I’ve been invited out after work.. is that ok?” Etc. It’s not okay for him to do that x
I’m sorry I voted totally normal by accident No I get full details
I’d just do it back to him on his day off 🤷🏽♀️ his reaction will speak volumes and probably give you the answer you need x
My husband does this at times and it annoys the shit out of me but with time, it has gotten better. I told him you can't just plan for yourself, you need to think of me and our son too. Maybe I had something in mind for us to do today or something I needed to do for myself. Not only that, in case of an emergency. He owns a business so a lot of the time he's working or doing work related tasks. My husband is from a desi family so I can relate to the cultural aspect. It's a respect thing towards them, not sure why lol but my husband is definitely not cheating. I know his whereabouts and can see where he is because we share our locations with each other. Just approach it at different times; not when it happens because that'll turn into a fight like, "oh you don't trust me?" and then you're trying to defend yourself at the moment. Approach it with gentleness and hopefully it's well received. Message me if you need!
My partner and I sometimes have similar problems, he just has rlly bad adhd and (is also middle eastern but I don’t think it’s culturally caused) he just operates like that. He doesn’t mind giving me details when I ask for them, though. Our biggest issue is that his plans will change spontaneously while he’s out and doesn’t inform me until I’m calling him “why aren’t you home yet and why are you at a different place than you said?” I attribute this completely to his adhd and extrovert tendencies. He’s not a cheater or criminal like someone else here said he just gets lost in the moment. It still bugs me that he doesn’t keep me in the loop but he’s working on it.
I think it's the freedom of not being the default parent. As mostly it's mums who are the default parent we always have to work around everyone else and their schedules etc especially when we can't just leave kids with someone else and do last minute plans. I always tell my husband any plans to tell me in advance, so he let's me know in advance any after work related events, any friends dine out or outings plans. Sometimes once in a while he does get last minute requests or on way home sees old friends etc and decides to catch up with them, sometimes may even bring them over, usually by them me and kids are already in bed anyways so doesn't bother me.
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To be honest, it shouldn't have anything to do with culture. Fathers help to make the children so they should also help to care for them & raise them.
@Emilie same 😂 we always say it’s fine u don’t need to ask but it’s just more of I’m letting you know and checking you don’t have anything planned. It’s also nice to know how long he’ll be out or where he is if I’ve got an emergency or I’m home with the baby alone it’s just nice to know when I’ll be expecting him back. There’s a difference between investigating and knowing because you’re in a relationship or have a family together so you’re in your right to ask!
Yea that’s not ok. My husband tells me days or weeks in advance when he has plans. He makes sure I’m good and the kids are good before stepping out. He tells me where they’re going and texts me throughout to the night to let me know he’ll be home soon or if it’s gonna be a late night. He stays in contact throughout. It’s just respect and courtesy. When you’re married 2 become 1- you don’t just think about urself anymore. He needs to act like a married man! You need to put ur foot down and speak up!
Mines gives me notice..totally more than 5 mins. I also know where he's going. He's gone out today and told me where he's going and he just rang me saying his bus is cancelled and will be back ASAP cause we planning a movie night tonight after we get kids to bed
No, my partner 100% doesn't do this. We always know where one another is going. This isn't normal personally I don't know how you put up with this man's shit
That’s just selfish. And frankly sort of controlling to leave you always wondering and not knowing what’s coming next.
This sucks. Don't let him treat you like this.
That’s completely disrespectful. Of course you have a right to know what his plans are - he’s your husband. If he’s gonna be out all day the least he can do is let you know. Tell him your house is not a fucking hotel and he needs to start treating you with some basic courtesy.
My spouse works night and we would constantly argue bc I didn't know when he was coming home (works in entertainment). We downloaded the app Life 360 and now we can see each other's location and I can see when he is coming home. No more arguing!
We tell each other where we’re going and who we’re going with. As for how long? I can give an approximate but that’s just an approximate- many times we bar hop or go for spontaneous desserts/coffee after so I can’t say how long, and even if I did that doesn’t mean that I’ll take that long. So we estimate for one another, and if he takes longer he takes longer, same w me. If I say 10 but then the girls want to go somewhere after than obv I’m not going to home anywhere around 10. He tell me know what he knows, I’ll tell him what i know, like if I know that the karaoke room is booked for 5-9 I’ll tell him that but then I’ll say we might grab dessert after that. Or if he knows how long a round of golf goes for he tells me roughly but again it could be earlier or later than what he told me.
Oops🤦♀️I voted based on the header question not the detail portion. My husband and I tell each other when and where we’re going. Not in a controlling way but in a safe, curious, loving way
Voted totally normal by accident xxx
I would have a real problem if my partner did this. He'd be on the couch for the next few weeks if he ever talked to me like or just up and left without giving me notice and talking about it beforehand.
The only reason a man would say that to his wife is if he is cheating on her or doing something dodgy criminally. My husband plans his nights out or going out for breakfast with his friends at least a week in advance, so I always know when he is going out. Also, if you have children, then you can't really just make plans & go out whenever you want. Sounds like he still wants to live like a single person to me 🤔