This stage is ruining me!
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I’m so sorry to hear you’re going through this. It sounds awful and it’s definitely not sustainable for you. Without knowing the ins and outs of it, I would guess that he is craving connection with you. Which from what you’ve said, you’re struggling with because you are burnt out. I know it sounds counterintuitive, but try spending more time with him, doing things he wants to do. Make a point of putting your phone away during his awake hours. And talk to him like you’re on his level. If he kicks off because he wants something that you can’t/don’t want to give him (ie if he wants chocolate for breakfast or something, obviously you’re not going to do that so calmly explain that he has a choice between x and x for breakfast, but chocolate isn’t an option. Or if he starts demanding you get a specific item - instead of it becoming a stand-off, when he asks for it reply with “ok, you want x item, let’s go and find it together!”). I know it’s hard when you’re feeling overwhelmed….
…but I would guess that you’ve become a bit stuck in a catch22 situation, where you’re dreading spending time with him because of his behaviours, but his behaviours are as a result of him feeling like he doesn’t have enough quality time with you. If kids are only getting half your attention when calm, but suddenly your full attention when they act up, they will act up more because they crave that connection with you and they learn how to get it. I know it’s difficult when feeling burnt out, stressed out, when you’re busy with work and life etc., but sometimes I think it’s helpful to reflect on interactions with my toddler as if I was him in that situation. When he gets emotional, I try and slow the moment down. I think about what led to that moment and try and reason it out with him.
They don’t know how to manage their emotions yet - they don’t even understand them. We have to help them with their emotional regulation. It can help to name emotions too - and let them know it’s ok to feel that way. “You feel angry that mummy is drinking a coffee instead of playing with you. It’s ok to feel angry, but it’s not ok to spit in mummy’s coffee. Mummy is going to finish her coffee, and then we can play. Why don’t you think about what you want to play whilst mummy finishes her coffee?” You may find that with ensuring you have some focussed, one-on-one time together, that’s not interrupted by screens or you both becoming more wound up, that his behaviours may naturally decrease. I do appreciate it’s really hard, though. Especially in the heat of the moment. We all have the best intentions but none of us are perfect and our emotions can get the better of us. But take it a step at a time. Good luck mama. And it’s ok to need a break, too. Toddlers are exhausting!!
Sorry that was so long. I am trying to be helpful, and I hope at least some of it is. You’re not alone!
I’m bloody losing it with mine. I am a single mum with no family so I cannot even get help or send her anywhere. I have an infant and pregnant again so I want to jump off a cliff.
Nothing wrong with your parenting! It’s a difficult stage . You’re burnt out and exhausted, give yourself grace in that it will pass . Remember their big emotions sometimes come out in ways we’re find frustrating & that’s only because they don’t know how to quite tell us or deal with it either . Struggling too! Pop a message if needed . But definitely give yourself grace and make sure you do things to ease yourself x
Ahh man, it’s such a hard stage. I’ve been through such battles with my little girl as well and she can be so rough and mean that it’s hard to remember she’s only 2.5years old. I’m sorry you’re going through it all alone, I wish I could be of more help as this message really got to me - I feel your pain. You mention he’s awake for 18hours- is this a normal thing? I know my toddler can barely make it to 12 hours before losing her mind - if he’s running on an 18hr day - maybe that’s why he’s playing up so much? Overtired on top of it being a really difficult age? I tried at one stage to stop the nap with my little one as she wasn’t sleeping at night but she did not cope!! Also banging her head on the floor and pinching and scratching at her face till she bled 😭 it was horrendous - I now push for as much sleep as possible (so the absolute opposite of what I thought I needed) and there is definitely an improvement.
Also, the fact he is a terror with you and good for others only shows his secure attachment to you - I know that doesn’t make it any easier in the moment but the fact he can let lose with you, shows he is secure in your love and that my friend, is something to be proud of
I'm sorry you're going through that with your son, sounds really tough! Have you considered talking with the health visitor and getting advice? Is there something going on at home which could be making him so angry/upset which leads to hitting his head? When my son acts up, which tbh isn't too often, I usually have to put him in the cot for 2 mins so he understands he can't hit etc and it works however your situation may be deeper than that? As others have said maybe have special time with your son where your attention is 100% on him but make it clear for 1 hour (get a clock he can see) say it's 'quiet time' and mummy is having lunch/tea then after we can go out etc?
You are absolutely not doing anything wrong. Our little boy is the exact same, perfect at nursery or with my mum for example but quite often a nightmare for us. He definitely knows what he's doing. This stage is by far the hardest and I'm just hoping in time it will pass. No advice and we are just winging it but you're definitely not alone x