Can’t do this anymore 😭
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@Autumn thanks it’s just hard thinking of myself when I’ve put so much into my family and completely neglected myself in the meantime 😞
Maybe doing more for yourself and being busier will make him crave you more
This is a loss, a real painful one. Especially to have him right there, within reach but you’re not able to have the same relationship. To still love him but with him not loving or caring. And it’s multiple things to grieve, because having to share the kids is painful af. I wonder: before you were even separated, did you feel like you only got little crumbs of attention and love from him? (That’s my relationship, just wondering if that was your experience too. I can definitely imagine the pain you are suffering. The same situation you’re dealing with is pretty likely to happen to me also. If things don’t change, I will have nowhere to go and will have to watch him not care while we are separated and I am crushed.)
You need to start going out there and doing things for you, it's the only way to move forwards. I split with my ex after over 12 years and 2 kids, but I initiated the split. Now it's been 5 years and I'm happier than ever with my fiance and our new baby 🥰
@Ninti I’m doing more than I’ve ever done before. He doesn’t care
@Ele you’re right it’s really painful 😞 and it’s killing me that he’s in reach and I shouldn’t be able to just cuddle him 😭 Yeah I did 😞felt like I was begging for his time and attention Sounds like the same situation for us 😩 I don’t know how to get over this. I don’t want to leave but I know I have to as we can’t stay like forever 💔
It's hard if your life has been centred around the home and your family. My advice is get out and find out who you are as a woman, not just a mum and a wife. Are you still a stay at home mum?
You are just too good for him ! In time he will realise what he’s lost but you will have moved on ! If he can’t see it then he’s a fool ! Let him go no matter how painful it is and move on … I think living separately will help you enormously as it’s hard to live in the same house .
That is so hard. You need to get out of the house and see other people. Go out to a movie, go to a gym, go for a walk/run/hike, have a dinner with a friend. You do have to do anything of you don't want, you can play on your phone at the library if that's all you're up for, but once you put yourself in new places and situations you will start having new thoughts and trying new things. It will help you get out of your ruts. Don't feel bad, 15 years is a long time, these tracks are well worn, just start doing a little every day. You'll find new things and people to love. ❤️
@Terri yes I am 😞
@Rachael thanks so much 😭 I really can’t wait to be out, it’a killing me living with him
@Bonny thanks so much! I’m getting our daily but no matter what I do I can’t stop thinking about him 😭 I’m not sleeping either as I miss his cuddles at night 😞 I’ve had no sleep in so long
It'll happen, just keep at it. For sleeping, get a body pillow and give it a name.
@Bonny thanks good idea
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@Ele thanks so much! Right back at you! We’ve got this 💔 thanks for poem too, going to keep reading that
It's not good for your mental health to love in such close proximity. I'd work on getting a better living situation and getting into therapy. You may need help working out what life looks like now and refocusing your energy on things that will improve life going forward. Good luck!
How old are your kids? Do you have the option to get a job? I think you need something for yourself and earning your own money would give you a sense of autonomy over your life. It would also give you the option to get your place, which I strongly suggest you need. He would not like that I suspect... sounds like he is enjoying having the power over what is going on x
@JL I know, unfortunately I haven’t been able to get a house straight away though. I’m working on it
@Terri my kids are 12 and 3. Yes he’s loving the power and he loves the fact I have nobody else but him x
So, go and see a solicitor. You can usually get 30 minutes free with most solicitors and they can advise you on what you are entitled to regarding money etc. Not sure if you own your home but if you are married, you are entitled to money from that. I would put your 3 year old into pre school using the government funded hours and get yourself a part time job. You don't even need to consult him as you don't need his money to do that. He will not expect it and it's something you've done for yourself. You'll build a little group of friends, have your own income stream and build your self confidence. It sounds like it might be a bit low. You can fight the sadness by making yourself stronger and creating a lovely home for you and your kids. He's not the only person you have. You just haven't found your village yet x
Go do some things for you mama. It’s hard but this is your new normal. Get your hair done, go see your girlfriends, get him to look after the kids while he’s still living there and even have a night off for you.