Starting daycare

Following because I feel the same way. My baby girl is starting Montessori care in Jan at 14 months and my heart is torn to a million pieces over the fact I won’t be there for her in a way only a mother can do. It feels too soon and against all instincts that want nothing more than to keep her close. I’m afraid of missing out on all those moments with her and not being there if she needs me :( She is a very affectionate and cuddly baby and I fear the impact of being apart from her. It’s so hard. Sending love

Hello, I totally understand how you feel. It is hard to let go, hard not to be in control of the care your daughter will get. It is difficult. Especially when you know that the daycare can't offer the same level of care you're offering your daughter. On the other hand, know that children also thrive when they are around other kiddos like them. You will always be her mommy, and she will always love you like no others. A change in routine is scary, and it sometimes looks like it is impossible to implement. How many times a day are you breastfeeding her? Try to see how you can give her a similar care. Once when she wakes up, before driving her, when you pick her up and at bedtime? What if you provide them with some of your milk? It wouldn't be the same as breastfeeding, but the taste would be comforting.

For the running water, although they can do the same at daycare, maybe you can provide them with very special wipes? I know it is hard to find a daycare in Québec, but keep looking for one that shares similar values. Also, try to write down what your daughter would gain when going at daycare. What would you also gain? There are certainly very positive outcomes to think about when it comes to this new routine. How can it benefit all of you?

I’m so sorry - this is heartbreaking to read. Your concern and love your baby is beautiful and moving. You are very maternal and loving. There is no such thing as being “too attached” to your baby. Your brain chemistry literally changes when you have a child to wire you this way. I understand the realities of the world we live in and the circumstances but if there is anyway financially you and your husband can make it work - I would keep her with you until 2 or so something part time. Look up Suzanne Venker on YouTube for some encouragement and validation. I Know that regardless of your decision your baby is going to be okay and is very well Loved. 🫂 hugs and encouragement!!!

It is tough. I had to send my first baby to daycare at 3 months old because I had to go back full time. The guilt was terrible, and I worried for stuff like what kind of detergent they used for the crib sheets and then the food once he started eating. Guilt didn't last too much tho, they sent me updates throughout the day ( pic, videos) of all the things they did, things like I never imagined to do at home. Speaking, independence, and social skills are great. For example, my 18 months old can tell you a whole story about her day, uses her past tense no problem lol, can get out bath, dry and put pjs on her own, it's crazy! Not all kids are the same, of course, but it has def helped me a lot. The downside is, of course, less time with them. But on weekends, I center my 100%energy on the family and feel it is really about quality time. In terms of germs, organic food, etc. I'm glad I didn't stress too much about it. The moment they went to school, oh boy! Pizza days, snacks, etc. Nothing organic there!lol

I asked my work for extended leave without pay. I will be sending my little one to day care around 16 to 18 months and only for 4 hours per day at the beginning. Similar reasons to yours. Every child develops at a different pace. Walking was a big milestone for us, decreasing daytime feeds was another one, now waiting until he's able to communicate better.

It's not unreasonable to feel this way. I grew up in a home daycare and I absolutely cannot stomach the idea of my child receiving primary care from anyone other than mommy and daddy. Obviously some time apart is good for everyone, but it's okay if you are only comfortable with that occasionally. Clearly your gut is telling you this is wrong, so I'd look at other options than daycare. For example, when my son is turning 16 months I will be heading back to work part time opposite to my husband's full time job so almost always one of us will be with him, and the other 2% of the time he will be with grandma.