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Can you talk to him first before making any harsh decision? Postpartum is tough, can play with your hormones, emotions, and having PPD on top must be hard. It seems like you need a break or find time for yourself. I would talk to him first. How long have you been in the UK? Can you try connect with other mums in your area?
Don’t ever feel like you’re stuck. Find a women’s charity to talk about your rights if you were to leave him. Yes your baby was born in the UK but you’re still the mum. Find out what would happen if you wanted to leave the UK. But I agree with others, talk to your husband. He might not realise he’s being selfish. Make it clear you expect more from him.
Also a lot of family lawyers will do a free initial consultation, so you could find out about your rights.
Does he know you want to leave?
From what I remember with my husband and custody battles with his own kids, you can't take them out of the country without both parents permission. I'm so sorry you're in this situation. If you need someone to vent to please feel free to message me. You're not alone xxx
Don’t take sny decisions with a disturbed mind have. Now focus on baby and once you’re stronger find your options ❤️ I’m here to listen to you if needed
In short, you cannot just take your baby out of the country without your husbands consent, but do you really want to do that? I suggest you talk to him again and mean what you say!
Most males are selfish and won’t lift a finger to help with the baby or the house unless they are told to do so, I would try to kind of boss him around first it may work. Now about the drink and going out with friends that’s a big NO for me, it may be because my partner and I do not believe in doing things separately. Do not keep yourself stuck in a relationship you’re not happy with, if you really want to leave find out about your rights and leave.
I have spoken to him already and he will change for one week and then the next go right back to his selfish ways. I think I made a mistake in marrying him
I've looked at women's charities but most only help if you're being abused which I'm not. There's no violence or anything I'm just really really unhappy in the marriage
He is aware I want to leave as the last drinking situation there was I made it known that there are very few chances left. I don't think he cares enough to put us first
I never would have come here if I knew how isolated I would be with no friends or support network and the only person I can rely on is him. Being from different countries was never an issue but now I couldn't think of anything worse than staying here for the sake of the marriage. I need to be happy too
If leaving (him and the U.K.) is what is best for you and your LO then do it. you may need his written permission to take LO out the country though (is he on the birth certificate? And does LO have a passport?). You need to be where you feel you have the most help/support as it’s a big life change and its definitely easier with the help/support of friends/family x
Oh sorry you are going through this, it seems you are really done and the drinking habit is a big red flag for me especially having a 5weeks old naby at home. My cousin left her partner last year for similar reasons, him not helping out and her regretting being with him. She left the UK to go back to France and he agreed. The difference is they weren't married and he didn't try to fight it and they found an agreement for him to visit. I don't know which country you would like to go back to, but do your research and see what are your rights. Try to find an agreement with him, as he has rights too. Don't stay in a broken marriage out of fear, do what you feel it's best for you and your baby, but also understand he will always be in your life to some degree. Hopefully he won't fight it as he doesn't seem involved anyway. Can a family member come to support you ?
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This is tough and I’m sorry you’re dealing with this. I still think you should talk to a lawyer, because maybe if confronted with the reality of you leaving, it might push him to actually change.
Have you tried speaking to CAB - citizens advice bureau they may be able to help with leaving the UK advice or point you in the direction of someone who could. I'm not in your situation but my hubby can be very selfish and not think about me or our LG and it's not a nice feeling. Keep your chin up your little one loves you and needs mummy. Have you tried any local baby and parent groups to make some mummy friends, depending on your area some local churches/ community centres run them from free.
You’ve mentioned post partum depression, are you seeking any help with that? Pandas foundation are fantastic, they have free telephone line and local support groups. So I would definitely reach out to them. Also your local children’s centre usually have a group for supporting women with post natal depression, I made some good friends through it. Both of these options are free. With regards to leaving country, you are married so your husband has to give his consent for you to leave otherwise you can be in a lot of trouble legally because i think it’s classed as child abduction or something. You deserve support, he needs to step up and actually be a parent, it might be worth suggesting couples counselling where you can air issues and come to a resolution if you can’t get anywhere (you mentioned he changes for a week and then goes back to before). Wishing you the best of luck, as other people have said make some mum friends and try talking to him again about how you are feeling.
Get busy.. it helps. Find local parks and finding a hobby you could do. Resting. Cooking healthy for you and baby. Do what you love…✨💛
Thank you everyone who took the time to respond, especially to an incognito post. I have read every bit of advice and this morning have gone out without telling him where to give him a bit of a shock. He will need to wake up for sure but considering my home country is a 24 hr flight away the separation probably is a bit extreme. I will however take the advice to seek legal advice so I know what my options are as I need to protect myself and potentially down the track have the exit route planned out if I need it. Thank you all xxx
Do your best to focus on you every day. We get each second of each hour. They are ours. Even if they’re dedicated to a small human. Or cleaning up after the whole family.. make the most of it. Bond with baby. Things can work themselves out. 🧡 best of luck. I didn’t get near enough sleep so make sure you do that as much as possible in these first few months.