Problem with sharing or boundary setting??
Background my LO is a confident headstrong 2 years and 1 month old. He is an only child, and goes to nursery twice a week, so he can learn to interact with children his own age.
Today we got some negative feedback from nursery and I’m really conflicted about it. Any advice would be grateful/ different view point?
They said they were concerned that he is not sharing and pushing. After getting more information it turns out he would be playing with a toy and another child will come and try and take the toy off him. Rather than let the other child have it. He would get frustrated, push them out of the way and say naughty. Nursery would intervene, talk about sharing and redirect him so he wouldn’t be allowed to play with that toy/ activity. I clarified with the nursery that he has never instigated the pushing or taken a toy off another child. He will actually wait his turn. Through out the day he has shown a few times he can share especially during reading time and will play with other children.
The pushing part is unacceptable and I completely agree he is in the wrong there. We are a non violent household and talk about soft hands and being kind to others. However I also feel it’s a little unfair that he is setting a boundary that he wants to play with the toy/activity and when another child is being demanding he is expected to relent and just share.
I get he needs to learn to play with others, and we will look into ways to help him share/ techniques to deal with the frustration other than pushing or saying naughty. Yet it still has left a bitter taste and I feel a little irritated that he is being made out as the trouble maker.
Am I in the wrong for feeling like this?
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Well my boys much worse than this The nursery let me know but I never feel they are criticising me. I think it’s totally fine if your boys playing with a toy and someone comes to take it and they should be teaching him to say no thank you rather than to share it They do not need to share and don’t at this age all you can is keep practicing so we do with all sorts of stuff at home like crisps and explaining we are sharing and how nice that is I think personally sounds like the nursery has made you feel defensive x
As long as they've said they've spoken to the other parents about their child just taking toys and if that's normal behaviour for them, it shouldn't make you feel as bad?
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It depends how long he's playing for and what his needs are. If he's been playing for 10mins+, most people would expect to share. However, neurodivergent children can have very deep attention to a toy or activity and prefer to have one for longer periods of time. If that's the case, then nursery staff should work with him on that need and help redirect the other child. Shoving someone away who is bothering you is really normal for a toddler. My girl has a deep interest in toys but as soon as someone bothers her she moves on because she hates being bothered and interrupted or someone else playing with the toy 'wrong' . You can label and direct how they behave and model ideal behaviour but this age they just go with their instincts and have almost zero impulse control. Eta: you aren't wrong at all.