MIL constantly pushing to have my son overnight
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@Hope couldn’t agree with you more 🙌🙌🙌 It’s so frustrating isn’t it. I wish I’d listed out boundaries in the early days (although she’d probably still try to push them like yours is!). If she asked me directly like an adult then I could say oh no we’re not going to do overnight stays until he’s older/no longer breastfeeding etc. But the way she says it speaking through the baby I just awkwardly sit there saying nothing!
It’s just weird to me.. it’s like you can’t wait? Like is there a specific reason you feel a baby shouldn’t be with their mom at night? Mother’s Day my man and I went out and left our 1 mo with his mom and at dinner he said “if we get too drunk sis can just stay over there” I said “absolutely not! A few hours is fine to hangout but over night is not” as times gone in he now agrees, though I still have to remind his mom that my daughter, my rules
People who have had kids and raised them should know better than to be suggestive to impressionable children who will eventually ask their parents to do what the person is suggesting to them. In your case your MIL is programming your child to one day ask to sleep there, that's why she's doing it through your child and not directly to you. I find it so strange when grown people talk through a child instead of having a direct conversation with the adult, that's right next to the child. It's a very passive /passive aggressive move. Nip that in the butt.
@Nat I’ve never thought of it that way but you’re so right! If he was an older child then he would be understanding it and then asking me why am I not sleeping at nanny’s house. Or making me the bad guy if he asks and I say no! I think next time she does it I need to speak out and set my boundaries 😬
My MIL does this too! I think she said it once when I was still pregnant and then when he was just days old said (through him) that she couldn't wait for him to come for sleepovers. I just said I don't think that will happen for a good while yet and moved on quickly so she knew it wasn't open for discussion. When she showed us around her new house, when at the bedroom she said (to the baby) how she would kick grandad out of bed so they could share when he came over and I said the same thing. Like you, she hasn't asked outright so I haven't had the awkward conversation but if she says it again I plan to match the passive aggressive energy and say back (through baby) granny I am too small to stay over and want to stay with mummy and daddy. Honestly I don't actually understand why grandparents are so desperate to spend overnights with grandchildren? I don't know why they think their grandchildren are toys to play with but it irks me too. You're not alone!
@Lydia Ugh sorry to hear yours is the same! Although makes me feel better that I’m not alone. Hahaha such a good idea to just match their passive aggressive energy 😂 I know right, why so desperate to have them overnight? Honestly it’s so weird to me that they want to take them from their parents and have them ‘to themselves’. It’s not your baby, it’s mine. 🤨
I m in the exact same situation then you. 13 months old baby, EBF, co sleeping and he also wakes at night (even if he sleeps through some night). There's absolutely no way I would make my son sleep somewhere else if not absolutely needed EVER. I would in a first place telling your baby in front of her as an answer "absolutely NOT happening anytime sooooon" with a baby tone but a firm sight to her. If she doesn't get it and keep doing it, I would tell her straight to stop, that she makes you uncomfortable and that you are not planning your baby stay overnight anywhere anytime soon. That's not OK. She is in some ways manipulating your child to ask to go there overnight.
You are not alone!! Over here I keep total silence whenever mine does this kind of comment. Truly silence, I act like Im doing something and I didn’t hear. The only time she repeated herself I answered with “I heard you the first time”. She got upset, left and only comes once a week for 20 minutes to take pictures and update her social media with grandma of the year posts 💃🏽
It sounds exactly like she is saying you are the problem with his sleep and I'd take it that way too
I would say through the baby “maybe nanny should sleep over our house and see how it goes first and do some night shifts to help mama and daddy out before you sleep at nannys” 🙄
Update: MIL watched LO for a couple of hours at our house, and fell over afternoon nap time. She could not get him to go to sleep, he cried so much he threw up. Although horrid that it made my LO so upset, feels like a massive 🖕🖕🖕Hopefully she understands that he is a difficult sleeper now and will not bring up the idea of a sleepover again any time soon!!
Ugh my FIL and step-MIL are this way. My baby is only 3 months and they already want him to stay over. I'm EBF and everytime I see them, they ask me if he's "bottle trained" yet (whatever the hell that means) so they can watch him. Why does he need to get used to bottles? I have a very small emergency freezer stash and we've used a bottle a small handful of times and he takes to it fine for a daytime feeding here and there. But everyone discounts the comfort element. My baby wakes up 2-3 times per night and needs the boob to get back to sleep. I don't even think he eats that much, just needs the comfort for 10-20 min then back to sleep. Bottle can't do that. Breastfeeding is natures way of making sure Mother's can't leave their baby's side for long, and I think that's awesome.... Perfect excuse for overbearing in-laws.
Nothing pisses me off more than when people want your baby to stay at their house and when they talk to you through your baby! When I was pregnant, I made my list of boundaries and what not and one of the things on there was my baby will not go stay with anybody unless she is potty trained can talk and sleep all night. My mom is fine with that but my mother-in-law she brings it up all the time and my baby is six months old now. A few months ago she brought up how she wants all the grandkids to come stay the night I said that my baby can and the handful years and my mother-in-law‘s friend got mad and said my grandkids came to stay the night with me after they go to the hospital I said that’s cool but this is my kid not yours I don’t feel comfortable with her leaving until she can do thosethings plus I still breast-feed. There’s no reason that your baby should leave you in those first few years, especially if you’re blessed enough to be at Stay at home mom myself but that’s my opinion.