Marriage Ending?
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I think you need to leave. You won’t be alone, you’ll have your wonderful children. And I think the children’s sake too, you should leave. As this will definitely affect them too. x
Your marriage has been over for years, you’ve just not been willing to accept that. He sounds like my ex-husband. I was miserable. Find a way to leave, whether that’s ferret money away in a secret account or speak to a DV shelter. I’m 1000% better off. Remarried to the man of my dreams and have a little girl now. I turned 40 this month. Life goes on and your happiness needs to be forged by yourself and not reliant on someone else who is verbally, emotionally, mentally, and physically abusive. My own mother has been with an abusive man for 39 years. She won’t leave him. We are all waiting for him to die so we can give her the life she should’ve had.
Id say leave but also try to suggest maybe working somewhere part time or securing a work from home job without him knowing so that you can save up and have a back up plan in case you don’t get anything in the divorce.
U are young u have a whole life ahead of u. U deserve to be in a happy loving relationship or happy at peace by urself. He is not worth it. Don’t do what my mom did. She stayed same story of urs and she regrets it
What reason is there to stay? Don’t make him think he has you and you can’t ever leave you can! You’re strong and don’t need him for anything anymore. Lifes too short to be miserable and he’s doing just that! He sounds awful, leave and don’t look back
It's been almost a year since I stopped accepting this behavior from my husband and moved out. It's not always easy, but I have seen a tremendous positive improvement in my children and my own mental/physical well-being. And we all get along better. I wish you the best in whatever decisions you make. You have one life, girl. Allow yourself to find true happiness 😊 🥰
It sounds like your reason for staying is the financial security. That's not a good enough reason to build a relationship, and it sounds like sadly the foundations of yours has been crumbling for a while anyway. It's much easier said than done for us all to tell you of course you should leave. There will be a lot of practicalities to consider, but your own and your childrens' happiness will be worth it in the long run. The fact you're asking this question suggests you are ready to think about leaving. Get as much practical, financial, and legal advice as you possibly can. Build a safety net of people and resources around you as far as you're able. Keep yourself and your babies safe mentally and physically from your abuser. Because I'm afraid that is what he is.
I read the second sentence and instantly said yep it's over. I think you know the answer and just need to hear it from others. he's going to threaten to take your kids away because he's the bread winner and he can "actually provide for them" but don't let him scare you into thinking that he can do that. you don't love him, you are trauma bonded to him. please save yourself and your children.
I am in the same boat as you and its an awful feeling, me and my husband live separately and he's horrible and nasty to me sometimes too, he only wants to use me now, I don't like being around him any more and I think I'm starting to accept my marriage is over, we bearly have sex too iv no interest in it at all but its there where you need it lol.. but yeah we get on better as friends than husband and wife..
Your trauma bonded just like me.
Figure out how you can support yourself and get the fuck out. Dealing with all this is insane. You'll be so much more happy
You will get spousal support and child support, you just need a friend or loved one to support you in that gap while you get on your feet. If there’s anything that I’ve learned in 5 yrs of therapy, it’s that literally everyone “projects”, he assumes you are doing all the things he does and that you think like he thinks. So correct, you don’t deserve this. There is no real love in this relationship, this is super toxic. You need to ask yourself, when are you going to start loving yourself more than you love him? Who is going to protect that little girl inside you that wasn’t treated the way she deserved growing up? It’s supposed to be you protecting her now. I say this with complete compassion because I had to learn this… your showing him how much your worth by staying, your showing him he can be his absolute worst and you’ll still accept him. Most people subconsciously want someone who pushes them to be their best, not accept them at their worst.
The most impactful thing I heard on tik-toks from men themselves was “if he wanted to he would” and “trust a man’s actions, not his words”. Because they were admitting they lie a lot, because it’s easy and gets them what they want. Their actions follow how they truly feel though.
I’d leave. It sounds like this situation is never going to get better and the longer you stay the harder and harder it will be to leave and get yourself established on your own. You don’t want to be in your late 40s or 50s, in the same place you’re in now, facing the same decision and wishing you had the balls to leave when you had more time to build a happy life for yourself and maybe find someone who cares for you and makes you feel safe, supported, and respected. There are lots of services and programs designed to help folks in your situation get on their feet, I’d recommend looking into them and getting out of there!