How do i tell my MIL our parenting guidelines are different to her?
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Or maybe you will just want her to bring some food. Or maybe you will not want to see anyone at all. Everything what you want is good and right! Don’t feel weird or even guilty about communicating that! And about the other things like car seat etc… I wouldn’t worry about that just now. You can mention it once the time comes. I’m sure she is just super excited as well to meet the little bubba. Wishing you all the best xx
@Tereza thank you. It’s frustrating to me as i have made my mum aware how we feel and she has made the choice to not attend her big work christmas party as it’s close to when the baby is due, so i would be happy with her visiting. I feel like my partner should tell his mum now, so she can make the choice if she will/won’t attend all the festive events. It’s scary to have a winter baby and we just want to make sure to reduce the risk when we can!
Sounds like u want privacy during labor and postpartum. Say u won’t be having certain visitors until a few weeks later . Also I understand being scared for a used car seat but the rest of the gifts should be fine. U just have to ignore her seems like we have the same MIL.
@Luz we do, but i’d be happy for her to meet the baby, but not if she’s been around a big group of people the day before he’s born. It’s not gifts, it’s things for her home. And they are not items we are comfortable with being used. Again, i told my mum ages ago we would be using his car seat in her car if needed and not using those items so she never bothered getting. Now its just awkward that his mum has
She can buy whatever she wants for her home but it doesn’t necessarily mean ur gonna use it. Tell ur partner how u feel and Just ignore her .
I would tell her. If you have a good relationship, just be honest. Also tell her you know she is coming from a nice place but that recommendations are nowadays different then what it used to be. Tell her as the baby grandma you need her to be on board for your child safety and development following the last recommendations. Try to take her in your team. Also tell her you need her to respect some boundaries. That's totally normal. If she is a sane human being she will ear you. Waiting for the baby to be there to tell her is the worst idea. You will want to focus on baby, not making it all about your mil
Totally get where you are coming from but also try not to shoot down the option of help from someone who clearly wants to be involved and is excited. Tackle the jumperoo / walker when baby is bigger. Don’t tell her you don’t want her help, because one day you might really appreciate it x
@Hannah 100% won’t be, i’m glad she wants to be involved. It’s just hard to navigate telling her things etc, especially because the way my husband goes about it so different to how i would! I find it easier to tell my mum these things when we decide them so the situation doesn’t arise
Tell her the rules now and say you’re not comfortable with those items. Say it in a nice way, you can blame the midwife/pediatrician. I will say it is nice for grandparents to have baby items you are comfortable with at their house, even if you’ll always be there. So thank her for stocking up and wanting to be involved
“Thank you so much for wanting to be so involved with baby and even buying baby items for your house, that is so sweet and will be a big help. I noticed you got a jumperoo and used car seats, and wanted to say based on pamphlets from the midwife we have been advised against using those so I hope it isn’t too late to re-sell them. I just discussed some rules for baby with my family and we would love to discuss them with you as well to ensure we’re all on the same page and keeping baby safe. Again, I appreciate you so much and I’m so glad baby has so many people that already love her”
Hi :) This is your pregnancy. This is your body. This is your baby. Whatever you want and whatever feels right for you is the right thing to do. It’s such a precious time after giving birth, you will have just gone through an incredible experience. The days after giving birth are tough. It’s important that you have your safe space and you do whatever is good for you. I think just communicate with her that you guys will let her know when you’re ready for visitors. She’s a mother. I’m sure she will understand! And if she won’t.. then it’s not your problem. I know this doesn’t sound nice but the days after giving birth are so precious and holy. It’s your experience. And you are the one who will have to deal with your hormones completely dropping, your body being in pain… the lack of sleep.. it’s a lot. You shouldn’t feel guilty to communicate what you wish for this very special time. And maybe you will change your mind and you will want her around.