Am I rubbish?

You sound very normal to me. Your message raises the question for me about what your partner is doing to help, it's often the case stay at home mums are assumed to have more than enough time to run a household AND have time for themselves. The honest truth is we don't get breaks like a normal 'job'. It's also super normal not to be into play and I think children who have to amuse themselves become very resourceful and imaginative. Getting on the floor and playing with your kid loads is actually a very modern concept.

I have found the following advise v helpful - what energises you that you can do together often? E.g. sport or reading or crafting. Other times can be encouraging independent play and finding what facilitates that (my 3yo adores play dough, trains). Do you like to walk outside in nature? It's great for your mental health and sanity let's be honest and your little one surely loves it. Playgroups /swim lessons/ free local library activities are all a godsend for breaking up my week. Perhaps ask your partner to be more supportive next time not critical and ask are you ok, you seem low on energy? What can I do? Hope this helps xx

Honestly, I am not a fan of screen time, but truth to be told, if it wasn't for it, sometimes I wouldn't get the chance to do any chores. It's either that or sometimes. I have to let her ravish thru a draw while I cook, then go and repack it after. It's a give and take. Some days, I play with her more, and fewer chores are done. Some days more chores, less play time. Since you like soft play, try and go when you can or try babies' classes. It's really hard to balance everything.

I wouldn’t feel bad about screen time, it’s the only way to get things done. If the comments get to you, maybe give the screen time whilst husband is at work and reduced screen time when he comes back. Also try and do a family soft play day so husband can see how tiring softplay can be and also tell him that after this, I also cook clean etc.

I started to try to integrate my toddler into chores, so that I can get stuff done She will bring stuff to the counter from the pantry, hand me laundry, if I have time help cutting food, or mixing it…. This is mostly my „playing“ with her Besides that she is encouraged to play by herself which she does quite well (you don’t need to entertain them 24/7, they should learn to entertain themselves) But she also gets screen time, mostly Ms Rachel. It’s especially life saving when the baby won’t let me put her down and I am alone with the kids. Or if I just need a break for my sanity

You sound like a great Mom. Your partner does sound like he’s being critical and presumptuous though. It’s common in the very beginning for partners to assume the other isn’t doing as much. There are a lot of studies on this. I especially find it of stay at home Mom’s. I have worked a very demanding job most of my girls lives. We moved across states for my husbands job once and I was home for 3 months doing all the cleaning and care of our toddlers and it was WAY harder! And I’m an Accountant! It’s a thankless job, everyone assumes it’s easy and it’s really hard to manage your emotions. He honestly has no idea. He can’t even manage his frustration with you in a constructive way, so he’s not one to talk. Also, I rarely got on the floor to play too. My children are now testing in the 90% for state tests… he’s putting too much weight on this tiny thing. It’s actually good for them to have to come up with their own creativity and learn to play alone too.

My son will play independently but it took time to build it up. I would sit and build his train track and then he would push his trains on it… with me right there at first and over time I could be in the kitchen doing stuff while he can see me and play. It can last 30 mins now. He also loved car wash day. I put a towel on the floor. Minimal water in a bowl. Hand him a bunch of cars, measuring cups, etc and he will play for an hour. He has become really good at keeping the water on the towel now but also the kitchen always needs a bath 😂 We also read a lot and then he will sit with his books and ‘read’. I keep them in easy access for him. Same with blocks and magnet tiles. I will play for a bit building some things then leave him to it while I read or do something always with in eye sight but he will play. Keep in mind it took awhile to get there. By 18 months I could get 15 mins and now at 2 years he can do a solid 45 mins. I also take him out for walks and let him run around.

My husband will show him classic train shows for low stimulation but he knows better than to ask me because I will just redirect to a toy. He also helps with laundry, loves to sweep and clean, and dishes. All this took time of him being there while I did it and letting him try when he would say ‘my sweep’. They like to be included in house work and think they are contributing.

I also second what the previous person said about outside time. I often took them to the park and sat on the bench, maybe here and there helping them on the monkey bars or throwing a ball. Outside time is great for you and for them. I use to set a goal of a once a day for an hour, sometimes just walks too.

You sound normal to me lol!

Oh guys. All your comments are great! So supportive. Thank you I didn’t expect it. We do go out, to parks, the woods finding pine cones. Looking at the wildlife, we bake, he helps me with housework occasionally (I could definitely step that up) I guess I’m just not overly imaginative. We go to the library and go swimming once a week. Thanks for your ideas, i especially love the car wash day! We should try that one :)

Bro if you're not doing it yourself you have Zero rights to be telling me on how to do it. That would be my answer. Do screentime and give yourself a pat on the back. You're a great mum and your partner is probably just taking a backseat in all this and criticizing. I also don't like to play, because it is waste of time, there's so much to do, and it's boring 😂. Few minutes and then I move away slowly onto something else. Or I would even play a kids movie to my LO and sit on the couch with him. And so what 😀.

I'm not a big fan on screens but watching the occasional show WITH your child can be lovely. Especially if you can pause to point out things that are going over their head. You can talk about what the characters are thinking or how they are reacting to each other. Or watch non-cartoon shows and explain how the world works. Most men are big on opinions and light on practical experience when it comes to childcare and caring for a home. It's ok to listen and incorporate his ideas if they are good, but don't give the other stuff too much weight. You wouldn't let an art major right of college run your corporation just because they think their ideas are better than yours. Be careful, though, they think if its ok for you to do screens/junk food/etc occasionally, it's ok for them to do it all the time. Like Dude, you have to check *in* to parenting before you can check out... 🙄

You are totally normal. Is a really hard job to raise child , and for us who don't have any breaks it can be so draining physicaly and mentaly . I also don't enjoy much playing with toys but from time to time I push myself. I also put tv for my daughter quite often to have small break...

Don’t worry about being imaginative! Let them use their imagination. Just provide the space for it and let them go. You’ll be surprised what they come up with.