They aren't willing to go out for a meal once a week, his mum won't leave the house ever really and they never have money if i'm completely honest and i aren't willing to have to pay for meals etc. when the weather was good i'd ask them if they wanted to go for a walk to the park or come down to mine etc always told no but now when the weathers bag they're demanding us to take our child up there in the rain. My partner is sorta on board sort of not he can't see bad in the behaviour really he also thinks i should allowed our son to go there but i've put my foot down and said absolutely not
You should definitely put your foot down and just stick to it. Go to the park then instead of a restaurant. They can't demand anything from you. You have the power, not them.
I think they are Lucky you let them see him at all considering they are drug users … i personally wouldn’t let them see him.. They need to respect your wishes to be honest if they turned around and said they’d stop talking to you I wouldn’t worry if anything would that be handy… Admittedly I feel sorry for you’re partner as this obviously puts him in the middle but if he can’t see that they are in the wrong & you are completely & understandably in the right then he is just naive & clueless…
I have to be honest, as far as I'm concerned they're lucky to have set eyes on him. I don't associate with drug use. At all. In any way. If people want to use them, they can crack on but they won't use them and be in my life. I wouldn't trust anyone who uses them with my child alone ESPECIALLY not an addict. As for smoking. Absolutely right, if they smoke in the house I'm not sure I'd go there never mind take my baby there. I absolutely HATE smoking and drugs. My partner remembers the look on my face when he pulled out a vape on our first date. I was disappointed he even vaped! I've moved past that because he won't ever exhale towards me and the midwife told him he even needs to do the outside, remove the outer layer before going near baby with his vape. Nevermind a cigarette! It's hard because they're grandparents and your partner is pulled both ways but absolutely stick to your guns.
This is exactly what i'm like i've seen first hand what addiction does to families as one of my family members is an addict, not immediate family but i was quite close to them growing up but since they've started doing hard drugs such as heroin i don't really associate myself with them. I've also not allowed them to have any access what so ever to my son as that is something i have complete control over with him being on my side of the family. My partner does understand what his parents and sister does is wrong, i had my first drink since having baby and he hated it he doesn't like me drinking because he doesn't want me to end up like his mum basically but that would never happen im SO anti drugs it's unbelievable. I knew his mum was an addict before i had the baby which is his point in this which yes i understand that but i would never ever not have a child because of who their grandparents are, grandparents are a vital part growing up i know this, i used to go on some lovely days out
with grandparents and great grandparents however this isn't the relationship my son would have with them. Any money his grandma has goes straight to her addiction you walk in her house and can smell the drugs she takes and it's not just a bit of weed every now and then it's crack and heroin, all it would take is a slight overdose while having my son and she could fall on him drop him as he gets older and starts being able to move around more he could get hold of it i don't want this. It's causing arguments between me and my partner my excuse this week is weather however i'm taking my son to my dads house in a few days and even if the weathers bad we will be going and he's saying it's not fair i take him to my dad but he can't take him to his mums however my dad isn't an addict he doesn't even drink his house is a clean no drugs zone they don't even vape in the house or anything. I vape myself however never around my son. It's becoming a problem because i can't even have any time to
myself because my partner says if i go out he's taking our son to his parents house i don't want this so i don't go out if i do go anywhere it's somewhere with my baby my life has completely changed not even due to having a baby, due to what his grandparents do! It also angers me that all his grandma on my partners side has got for him is a pack of baby grows whereas my dad got him his for my mum got him all sorts and buys him stuff constantly. Ik it's not about what they get for their grand children but everything he's got is from this house and my family i don't like stuff going up to that house due to who's there i don't trust it not to 'get lost' or 'disappear' so i just don't let it happen. Ik it's unfair to think like this but my son isn't being around that behaviour and then sort of people especially so young, feels like i'm setting him up for failure in life if i let him see that sort of stuff growing up
@Ray I definitely agree and i do put my foot down a lot they rarely see him i feel bad stopping my son from having a relationship with family but i don't want him around that his safety is and always will be my priority. They're more than welcome to come see him as much as they want at my house where they can't smoke or use drugs but they aren't willing to do that they have excuses
It is first and foremost your responsibility to protect the baby. While it's not ideal to have a tense relationship with inlaws and it's hard not to give into their demands, you have reason to be concerned with their access to him if they are active drug users and smokers. I think it makes sense not to want him at their house and to not leave him alone with them. If you do want to keep up with them then maybe you can suggest going out to eat once a week and that's when they can catch up with the baby, with you there monitoring it. I also hope that your partner is on board with your pov and supports you. Going against family wishes is hard but if you have a united front and you are unwavering in what you're willing to give, then they'll eventually give up the fight bc they know they won't win. Or at least they'll have to accept your terms because they have no other choice if they want to see the baby