Am I expecting too much?

I would highly recommend looking up the phrase “weaponized incompetence”. That was a game changer for me.

Yes, he should use his own brain. Weaponized incompetence for sure. The baby didn't come with a manual that only you received. He has to just try to figure out how to be a parent (like every other parent). This isn't a bonding thing. Don't take on more mental load by making lists. It's really not that hard to figure out that babies need to eat and sleep. If he's that lost, recommend some parenting classes or a book.

Might take longer for paternal instincts to kick in for men. I would say get him to take turns with nappie changes and get him to wash and sterilize bottles. He could even make pre made bottles to have in the fridge for you to grab. Give him some time, I’m assuming you’re both first time parents and are both learning.

Try not to interject and let him figure it out. Be “occupied” or go shopping or something during a time she has a lot of needs and let him take full responsibility of her. The more he does it the more he’ll be able to learn her cues. I also learned with my husband that I have to verbalize my expectations of him when it came to the sleep and eat schedule.

I think it depends. For a first time dad who hasn’t had any classes and stuff etc, basically no knowledge of babies, then telling them a few times about everything before they get the hang of it makes sense. Everyone’s got to learn. Even I struggled knowing certain things at times but luckily my partners parents were both there to help guide us. If your partner is doing this after say a few weeks and they have had experience and time with the baby and have watched you do it then I wouldn’t understand why they need me to tell them again. My partner was like this with our baby. We both didn’t know what we were doing at the start exactly, the little knowledge I had before baby was here I gave him. He really got the hang of things. I’m a stay at home mum and he was working ridiculous hours. He didn’t spend nearly as much time with our baby. And he always felt lost because he said I did everything perfectly and he wasn’t around a lot at first to see it. He never even wanted to take baby out

Alone because he was scared he’d mess things up. Once he switched jobs and had more time with our baby, he the same amount that I do. He still forgets simple stuff sometimes but I don’t know if that’s because he’s tired or what not. Maybe just speak to your partner again and stress how important it is to you. Tell him to write it down. How many ounces of milk, when they are due a nap, how to soothe baby etc. It could help. Also I have a friend that has terrible memory. Can’t remember anything I’ve told them about myself and I’ve told them multiple times. I genuinely think some people struggle. If he has it written down then he can’t really go wrong

I had this with my husband. I know what our LOs cries are for, I know what, when and how much for everything and always have done. I think some things don't come naturally to the dads. He used to say all his cries sound the same. No babe it's different. I think washing the bottles and doing the washing he could easily do, unless he is watching how to do it but surely he would have picked it up by now. My husband had no clue with anything. Bringing you a towel, nappy, was bottles and do the washing he should use his brain for but the other stuff I get