Bedroom help!!

I’ve only ever slept with my husband so I’m not sure how normal this is- I find him a little selfish in the bedroom and not on my behalf either. It’s like all he really cares about is me enjoying myself and he gets a bit carried away with this (it’s almost like an obsession) we’ll sometimes use toys and any clit stimulation and 90% of the time I’ll squirt and it seems that’s all he cares about. He says as long as I’m enjoying myself that’s all that matters, I’ve said to him loads that I’m also bothered about him enjoying himself and getting enough pleasure but he doesn’t seem bothered, he also barely makes a sound while we’re having sex- is that normal? We’ve been together 13 years and I’m starting to feel a bit useless in the bedroom and I’m not sure if he’s getting bored of me. We used a toy last night and I orgasmed pretty quickly, I had to stop as I’m around ovulation and this pleasure turned into pain. After a couple of minutes he said are we good to go again if not I wish you had of kept going with your mouth as I was about to cum 🙄 (he’s also only ever once just got off with me going down on him, i have to use my hand and he has to play with me at the same time, but yet he’s told me I’m good with my mouth?!) anyway…I said yep I’ll try, what position do you want me in? He said he wasn’t bothered wherever felt good for me, I said this isn’t about me this time this is about you. He just said he didn’t care and to go where I wanted, so I moved but it seemed like a life time for him to cum. I’m finding it really hard to have pleasure during sex unless we use a toy because I get no reaction from him that he’s enjoying himself and it just makes me feel a bit shit. Any advice or thoughts on this?

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I think yall just need to talk about it more. Ask him what he likes and see what you can do. I think it’s great he cares about you and what yo ido which is awesome. I think you just need to do a trial sex run. Next time yall do something tell him you want to make it about him something like that where he can have a good time. And don’t let him just say whatever is fine. Like have him give you a specific answer. I think when you’ve only been with one person (I have to) sometimes yall just need to talk about it more and figure out what you like and don’t like and what things you’d want to change to make it seem more interesting and fun

I agree that you guys should discuss outside of the bedroom. You can let him know that you also desire to feel the way he feels when he makes you cum. He must feel accomplished and you also want to feel the same. He may have a hard time deciding or figuring out what he really likes. Maybe he has difficulty ejaculating and is uncomfortable addressing it. Maybe he just never really explored his own fantasies. It also sounds like he enjoys being submissive. Maybe you guys can incorporate that into your play time and get him to cum with a little creativity.

The indecisiveness and small talk alone would drive me insane. It would completely ruin the mood for me. You can either talk to him about this beforehand or try some things yourself. His pleasure is when you’re pleased. He’s a giver. He doesn’t need or want anything else. Which is great but if you’re a giver too then there can be a block. He’s not being vulnerable almost like a control thing. Personally I would try and take control. Instead of asking what position you want me in just bend over or ride him. Start exploring kinks and see what lights him up.

Have you told him all of this?

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