Is my husband neglecting our baby?!

So it’s my daughters first birthday today and I had to be in university this morning (i’m doing a professional degree where I can’t have time off) so i got her up and changed (she’d leaked out her nappy in the night and into her sleeping bag) I put the sleeping bag and vest on the side and said to my husband that needs washing. He was stood next to me whilst I was redressing her as I said it. We then went and opened presents with her. I carried her downstairs and expect my husband to pick up the dirty clothes to wash. I came home at 12 to find out my husband had put our daughter to nap in the sleeping bag that was stained with poo. He said he looked at it but it was dry. I’ve hit the fucking roof. He took a poo stained vest off the sleeping bag even saw the stain and still put her in it. To me that’s completely unacceptable. Am i being dramatic or am I right? I’ve gone and had a go at him for it and he launched at me in my face shouting. Also bit of background, about a month ago I went for a coffee with my mum (first time since i’ve had my daughter) I came home to my daughter screaming like i’ve never heard before and I walked half way up the stairs and my mum shouted that he was asleep on the sofa in the living room. His 7 year old was on the sofa next to him and when I woke him he had a go at his 7 year old saying he should have woke him up. A few weeks after that A few weeks later I was in uni and i got a message saying she’d been sick down the side of her cot. I came home and it was still all over the floor and she’d been put down to sleep in the cot next to it. He drinks everyday without fail and gets through 2 crates of beer a week. When his boys come to stay he spends all his time vaping in the garage and doesn’t want to spend time as a family. On all three occasions that I’ve left our daughter with him something has happened and he’s not looked after her properly. Ive told him he’s being a shit dad and he said he’s looked after her for 4 hours today. Like just watching her deserves a medal. To me it’s disgusting not meeting a child’s basic needs like clean clothes etc. He cooks every night after work and puts the clothes wash on half the time. I go to uni full time, do most of the childcare for our daughter (nursery help me with the rest) feed her, wash her, just everything for her basically, I do all the cleaning and tidying of the house and also work part time to pay towards bills around uni and my daughter. Sorry that’s a long post but i’ve honestly had enough. He’s telling me i’ve lost the plot and that i’m a bad mum. Am i in the wrong here?! I feel like i’m not but need unbiased opinions.

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I’m doing a nursing degree and my partner is a chef, my daughter was 1 last Friday. While I do a lot of the childcare, I’ve never had this problem with him. He does a huge amount in the limited time he has with her. I would be livid if he put my baby in a poo filled sleeping bag. That “bad Mum” comment seems like serious projection.

I’m so sorry that you’re going through this. You are not in the wrong or being dramatic. You should be able to leave your daughter with her father and know that she’s safe and looked after. I’m lucky in that my fiancé is great with our daughter and helps where he can, but I know it’s not the case for everyone. I still think that your husband is being selfish and neglecting your daughter, you and his 7 year old.

You are totally in the right here. That is complete neglect from your partner. To be asleep while your wee one is screaming, put her in a sleeping bag with poo on it, lie her next to sick…that’s not laziness, it’s neglect. His drinking sounds like the main issue. Also he then screamed at you?! Completely unacceptable. My husband would never dream of screaming at me as he knows if he did I’d pick up our child and leave. I really hope you are okay and are able to do what is best for you and your daughter before his negligence leads to an accident happening. Sending lots of strength ❤️

Men aren’t wired the same as us and it is INFURIATING. I have a really caring partner although can admit since having kids it’s like I have to remind him how to human sometimes. It’s exhausting constantly double checking and making sure things are done “right”. Maybe I’m a control freak though… as He does so much, sterilises all the bottles after he gets home from work, he puts baby to sleep (I did it for the first 8 months but pregnant again and can’t get her in the cot because my bump is in the way🤣) he puts on a wash in the morning before he leaves for work etc etc. he’d never even consider doing half of this stuff you’ve mentioned with our daughter maybe because he knows I’d hit the fucking roof but also he’s a great dad and the stuff you mentioned is the BARE minimum, man or not you can hear your baby cry and you’d never put a poo stained top on yourself or lay down next to your own sick. Idk, I’d be having serious words. hes a dad of what, 3? Time to grow up

You're right. He's way wrong

We all have different standards and I know myself my standards of things are can be higher than my partners however this sounds different and it does sound like neglect. The fact he screamed at you when questioned, calling you a bad mum and saying you have lost the plot makes it sound worse - gas lighting. It was her birthday, he was off with her and it doesn’t sound like he did much with her, he didn’t even meet her basic needs of clean clothes (maybe if it was a very small dry spot it might be alright, not ideal but alright however it doesn’t sound like this is the case). I hope your ok and sending love. ❤️

I’m really sorry you’re going through this💔. It doesn’t sound comfortable or safe 🤎 trust your instincts

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