Is it possible to just not remember your childhood? Or is it likely a trauma response?

I grew up in a pretty normal family and I don’t remember my childhood. On the other hand, my husband grew up in a dysfunctional household and still remembers all of it. Trauma can play a role in recollection as our brain tries to block it out but it’s not necessarily the only reason.

@Ezgi oh no I don't think for one minute that it's the "only" reason. I was just wondering if anyone could weigh in on the possibility I suppose.. This is going to sound awful ... I love my husband dearly but he's problematic. I strongly believe he is holding onto some serious childhood trauma that's holding him back from being the best dad he can be. I've suggested he get therapy a few times but he won't and just says he "doesn't have the time" He recently in the midst of a disagreement we was having.. told me that his grandfather used to really beat him up.. and said something to the effect of "that's why I don't talk about my childhood" ... obviously I know his grandparents and I just can't picture this being true, but I obviously believe him and the fact they "don't seem like the type" scares me even more. His grandma was so shocked that he doesn't remember all the lovely things she did for him as a child "he was ruined!" She said.. unusual way to say a child was spoilt but hey ho.

It's left my thinking if the latter is true then grandma maybe doesn't know because she wouldn't be shocked by him blocking alot of his childhood out? I don't know.. I guess people will wonder why I'm sharing but honestly his trauma is quickly becoming mine and our daughters and I'm desperate for advice on how to encourage him to process it so we can get off this carousel 💔

Our brain tends to block out certain things that are traumatic.

I don’t remember any of my childhood, pretty sure I had a normal upbringing I just don’t remember x

It sounds like its not that he doesn’t remember but he just doesn’t want to talk about it. I’m not sure how your relationship is but id try to set up a chill safe space to get him to elaborate more on what he does reremember. Even if he doesn’t go to therapy, saying it out loud to someone else (you) will help remove some of the weight he’s been carrying around. My husband spent countless hours sharing and crying to me and it’s completely changed him as a person. 🥰

@Ezgi we have a great relationship but he's not a talker.. I think he worries it makes him less of a man if he opens up or gets emotional. Oh yeah definitely, I think hes just got alot to process and I'm certain if he just takes that leap to talk about it he'll be in a much better mental state! He knows I'm here to talk but I respect that he's not ready/doesnt want to let me. That's why I've suggested therapy because I think it's sometimes easier to talk to a stranger!

I think it’s fairly normal for people, and especially guys, to not always remember little details like that. I have a fairly traumatic childhood and I remember a lot of things from the traumatic events, but I also couldn’t tell you minor unimportant things like the bedding I had on my bed, most birthday parties, the meals my mom cooked, etc. My husband had a great childhood and he also couldn’t tell you anything about his bedsheets, old parties minus ones from high school, half the names of his elementary friends, etc. He actually can tell you less about his childhood than I could tell you about mine and when I ask him about it, he just says guys don’t really pay attention to a lot of the minor stuff. His memories are more high school based and the childhood memories are more focused on huge sporting events or something like that.

This is bizarre to me, but I guess it happens?? I have terrible short term memory, but remember many of my childhood birthdays, every name of every friend, my favorite toys, trips we took etc

I remember very very little of my childhood and I definitely have childhood trauma. I don’t like my husband probing so I totally understand where your husband is coming from. He doesn’t talk about it and he has told you he doesn’t want to talk about it, if he doesn’t want to process it there isn’t much you can do. The more you push the more he’ll resist I’m afraid!

I don’t remember anything at all from my childhood 🤷🏻‍♀️ everything was fairly normal I suppose

I didn’t experience any trauma in childhood other then being pretty poor and I couldn’t tell you bed sheets or toys I had or anything specific like that only pictures I have seen and my mom told me about or home videos I have seen.

Wow sounds like he has a lot of trauma with just that one thing alone!? Trauma is THE scariest thing to unpack from childhood as blocking it out is a survival mechanism and one he’s obviously been in ever since. The best way forward is unfortunately to process it for all of your guy’s happiness. It will take time and understanding on how to go about this but don’t give up! Would he consider researching into how much better he’ll feel in the long run? So he realises it’s painful but for a reason? Xx

Also for the sake of your relationship and child? X

Not remembering bedding etc will just be the tip of the iceberg! We all forget bits and pieces like that xx

Also there are so many good books, msg me if you need any recommendations x

I didn’t have a traumatic upbringing but my memories of childhood are nearly non existent, I remember snippets of things. But I don’t remember my birthdays/bedding etc, no chance 🤷🏼‍♀️, whereas my sister can tell you exactly what she got for her 6th birthday. Some people just don’t retain old info as well as others. Its not necessarily anything to do with trauma

My partner is the same, his is due to a traumatic event though. It just wiped all his childhood memories. However also remember what we define as traumatic (a death, family separation, abuse, neglect, addict parent etc) are not necessarily the only things that can be traumatic. For a child even something we as adults think is minor can be very traumatic for them so it could be a trauma response just not the kind of trauma you’re expecting. If it’s just not remembering certain things, that’s normal, but for the majority of his memories to be missing that to me seems like a trauma response.

Agreed! Look in to Cptsd X

It definitely sounds like a trauma response. When my parents split up my Dad lived with this woman for years who was awful, I hated going to her house and she wasn’t nice to me at all. I have completely wiped her from my memories in that I can’t visualise what she looks like at all, if she walked past me in the street I wouldn’t have a clue.

I have a terrible memory. I honestly can’t remember my bedding either. Or a large majority of my birthdays. I had a great childhood! I have always focused on looking forward in life and not backwards. Honestly anything bad that has happened in my life has been burned into my mind and I re-live it too often 😢