How do I tell my husband?
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Okay if this was me id slowly start making comments. I wouldnt want to pressure my man right off the bat. A little “hey can you get me some flowers, id appreciate it.” Or “can you not do this please i dont like it” now if the little comments here or there arent helping you are going to have to sit that man down and talk. Not to put a time frame but sooner than later is best. You wouldnt want to start resenting him and then not be able to fix things.
Sounds like he’s stayed the same and you’ve changed. What are the characteristics you’re no longer attracted to?
So before I looked for someone that would make me feel safe. Very “manly”, strong, one that could defend me physically if needed. Now I realized I still want to feel safe but not so much physically. I want more emotional intelligence. More mental maturity. So more of an emotional intellectual connection which would equal to safety to me. Im scared it is too much to ask from my husband since he is not that way at all. I also think if my husband came to me and asked me to be the complete opposite of how I am I would feel hurt and I don’t want to hurt him.
https://open.spotify.com/episode/6Wz8MGIwB2nOqsJdUwbhpm?si=pUmhuifUShuAPGRi7DHeZw&context=spotify%3Ashow%3A0HXMBQQ7989zkr2jCibGJF
https://open.spotify.com/episode/4jV5JZmNawOeVQwxLVQmAC?si=PUTfp_rZQfmschlhOkQxaQ&context=spotify%3Ashow%3A0HXMBQQ7989zkr2jCibGJF
I think these episodes might answer some of your questions. If not Dr.Chavonnes podcast is amazing and she's sometimes on the pods too. I don't think you're asking your husband to be someone he's not. It's that you are asking him to have a deeper more emotional relationship. I don't think that's a bad thing. This podcast really helped me understand how to communicate what I needed and when the best time to do it was.
@Shay thank you! Im listening to it now 🙏🏻
People grow a lot in 12 years, I’ve heard a phrase “you can grow together or grow apart”. I think it applies in this as you should either start dating each other again if you decide you want to stay with him (which marriage is a big thing you made a promise so I think you should try this before deciding), or talk about a separation if you can’t do it and he may feel the same way. 12 years seems like a lot but when you said those vows I’m sure you imagined longer, think wholeheartedly maybe make a pros and cons list to visually see it, but also try to remember why you fell in love