Devils advocate
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@Stacey 🇵🇸 honestly, there’s more to it. We have been together for 11 years total, married for 8 on Wednesday. Kids changed things for sure but we have friend zoned each other for a few years. I did an accelerated bridge nursing program so it’s only been this crazy for a little over a year so far. But I literally haven’t had a day off from everything since I started between school and work. I have lost it on a few occasions and I always get the sob story, woe is me back where he talks down on himself to make me feel guilty. When I point it out, he denies it.
He's clearly depressed but we mostly all are nowadays to some degree. I would wait until I'm extremely calm to tell him everything I feel (write it if you have to) and try to come up with a plan together.. put a timeline to see if he even tries. If he shows no effort I would give an ultimatum and then it becomes your responsibility to stick to it no matter how hard it may be. The sad truth is with working so hard and being stressed you can become physically sick and God Forbid something happens to you he will figure it out without you and when you feel guilty you have to remind yourself of that. Do not let guilt keep you in a place where you're miserable. He needs to put in effort and thats it.
Girl, I know the struggle. I did the accelerated program as a second degree and it was hell for that entire year. I think you should hold off on getting a second job. You shouldn't have to carry all of this weight yourself. If anything, could you pick up more hours at work? The holidays are coming and I know some people would take time off. Tell him how you're feeling and be like you need to change. Tell him he needs to take care of his health. The reason he is so unmotivated is depression but it's also his weight. The less you move around, the less energy you have. Have him go to his PCP and explain what's going on. Have them refer him to bariatric or if he has diabetes, ask if he can be prescribed a weight loss medication and it be covered under his insurance. If there's no change by a certain time frame, plan your exit. Get a job with your BSN and save up enough to go somewhere better for yourself and for your son. No need to stick in a relationship that doesn't bring you happiness
Definitely sounds stressed and depressed. He needs to work on himself in order for things to get better between you guys. Maybe you can talk and try to find ways to help and encourage him? Sounds like the move (and losing a consistent and familiar job of 20 years) may have made his depression worse, hence why he is struggling to be confident in trying something else or doing better in any way. Unfortunately i don't have much suggestion because i honestly feel like this falls on him to work on himself... but as a spouse, the best course of action is to encourage and assist in his mental health struggles. In sickness and in health.... i know that adds more to your plate, but unfortunately that's what partnerships are about. You hei him in his time of need and help strengthen him.... and with all hopes, he will start to realize he's better than he thinks and can be a better support for you!!
Him saying things like “I’m a bad dad”, etc is manipulative even if he isn’t trying to be. If he wants to empathize with you and take accountability, he should recognize that you have been stuck doing all the work and that you’re probably EXHAUSTED. It’s great that he’s so patient with your shared child but that’s literally the bare minimum. That could be a really good starting point for him. Moving on from that, I would have exploded into a million pieces by now if I were you. How have you endured all of this for so long? It sounds like he’s only making things worse for you b