Vent/advice
I mostly just need to vent about my husband, but if anyone has any advice, I'd appreciate it cause I'm exhausted.
Background: Currently, I'm 29 weeks pregnant with our second daughter and the default parent of our other daughter, who just turned a year old about a week ago. She weighs almost 24 lbs and can't walk yet, so she has to be carried everywhere. Our daughter has also started a shy phase where she is shy around anyone else in the house except my husband and I. We live with my grandparents, my grandma is unwell medically, my grandpa is always busy keeping the house clean or building some project, my brother lives in the basement but he doesn't like kids, and my cousin is about to move in the back yard but he also doesn't like kids so my husband and I are the only ones to take care of our daughter. My husband currently isn't working because he's dealing with a court case and nowhere will hire him with a pending felony. I also have multiple medical issues that can cause me to be dizzy easily or cause extreme pains at times.
Problem: I used to be okay with being the primary caretaker of our daughter because he was working, and it wasn't that hard on me to take care of her. Now that I'm in my third trimester, my medical issues are flaring up more and more, I'm exhausted, and I'm in a ton of pain by mid-day. Our daughter is also well over the weight limit of what I should be carrying, and I still carry her all day, every day, while he sits in our room, playing video games pretty much all day. He knows how bad my medical issues are, but only takes over when they flare up instead of before, so I don't have those flare ups. Even my grandma has noticed how little he helps and how exhausted and in pain I am in every day, and she's about to say something to him if he doesn't change soon. Also every time I ask him to do something, he will either procrastinate until I get pissed, put it off until I just do it myself, or I have to stand there and watch him and micro manage him while he has an attitude until it gets done. This just stresses me out more because a lot needs to get done before our second daughter gets here and I'm due on Christmas which is only a couple months away now. We have no where for the new baby to sleep, a small space for the girls to play, and where he set up his games is right in the middle of our room so I either have to climb over our big bed to get to the other side of the room, or walk between him and the TV while he's playing which he gets a little attitude about when I do.
I dont 'force' him to take her because he isn't as patient as I am with her and will yell at her for getting into stuff or being too loud because he thinks he can teach a 1 year old to use her inside voice by yelling at her. I've explained to him over and over again that he can't do that and he's just going to make her scared of him if he continues, but it seems like he just doesn't care, and still believes this is how to teach her even tho ive told him multiple times that she can't learn to control her volume yet, especially with him yelling at her not to yell🙄🙄. He literally doesn't hold her most days and probably wouldn't if I didn't make him sometimes.
I just feel like I'm doing everything with the baby and micromanage a grown adult while about to have a newborn to take care of also. I know I can't juggle a 14 mo and a newborn at the same time. I'm going to talk to the doctor at my next appointment to try and help him see how exhausted I am and how much harm I could be doing to our other daughter by taking on so much with our oldest, but idk what else I can do. Anyone else been through this or currently dealing with similar?? How did you cope? Did he ever change and help more??
Who owns the house? If he’s not on the title or lease his ass would be out on the streets. I’m really trying to keep my thoughts to myself but seriously… if he’s not going to contribute financially then he better be contributing though chores and parenting. Especially when you have medical issues on top of your pregnancy. If he’s not going to the. He needs to go. And I let grandma give him a piece of her mind. He has zero excuse other than he’s not being held to a standard. There’s literally dudes in JAIL who are successfully making money on TikTok like literally no excuse(how I ended up on prison tok idk but it’s there). You are raising a baby(about to be 2) you don’t need to be playing mommy to a grown man. Don’t cook, clean or take shit from this man.