Super annoyed

I’m getting beyond frustrated with my boyfriend . He has terrible ADHD, works his ass off and I understand. I really do. Atleast I try to be understanding. The last week he has said he was going to come stay over 7 times. He has not come over once. He has fallen asleep every time. And we have each other’s location so yes I know he’s home he’s not out cheating. He did it to me again last night, and then got upset with me that I was upset. He said I make him feel like a real pos. He also said nothing is stopping me from just going to his house and I haven’t been there is so long. Why is it he always has to come to me. Here’s the thing, I tried calling him several times last night. He was sleeping. Why would I just show up at your house like some psycho. He said it’s going to be my house too. Also- the main part,,,, his mother lives with him. They have a dog that is protective of her. If I even get up to go to the bathroom in the night this dog starts growling and barking at me even though he’s known me for 4 years. Then his mom complains she doesn’t get any sleep because the dog was up all night pacing (he knows I’m in the next room over). Like hello? This is your house not your mother’s and I am uncomfortable because of her and a fucking dog. He just doesn’t get it. I said if you wanted to you would. He flipped it and said if I wanted to I would and it goes both ways. First off I’m angry that he constantly says he’s going to do shit and doesn’t follow through (I know that’s his adhd but still take some fucking accountability here) and I’m upset because I miss him and would love to stay at his house. I know he doesn’t care but it makes me uncomfortable that this dog barks and wakes his mom up every time I’m there. Or I need to completely hold my piss in (after sex) and talk so quiet so the dog doesn’t hear me. Meanwhile at my house we can run around butt ass naked and do whatever we want. How do I tell him when he gets so offended. He thinks I hate going to his house and that’s not the case. It’s just uncomfortable to sleep there at night.

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So I called him 4 times last night and texted him before giving up. I didn’t call him this morning (I always call him in the morning) cause I figured well fuck you, u have to return my call why am I going to keep calling. He calls me at 11:30am and asks why I didn’t call him this morning and he got sick of waiting so he called me. I said uhm. Cause I called you last night and got no response. He automatically apologized and I said it’s fine. He says it’s not fine I’m so sorry. When that didn’t chip up my mood he says what’s wrong. I tell him what’s wrong. He auto flips it and takes zero accountability- “Well I’m tired I’m this I’m that WHY DIDNT YOU come here?”

As someone who has adhd myself- you are absolutely right if he wanted to he would cuz like for me as an adhder I like to do things that give me dopamine. Going to see my gf would give me far more dopamine than sleep. Like adhd does not make me forget about my gf! And wanting to spend time with her! wtf- he is not prioritizing you. You are absolutely right he needs to take accountability!! I mean if I had a choice of being butt naked with my woman vs being around my mom hands down I choose butt naked option! Cut your losses cuz this is ridiculous!!

@Lyss just had a long convo with him. He said he tells me he’s going to come because he hopes that an opportunity opens for him to come. But it’s really bothering him that I don’t go to his house. I’m not one to just show up at peoples houses and that’s what he expects me to do. He wants me hanging out on the couch when he gets home. I don’t know how to get past that because that’s just not how I am. I need an invite. Plus… his mom. Don’t get me wrong we get along very well but she makes it seem like that’s HER house and he’s a tenant. So it’s like I’m dropping by HER house, not his. And he doesn’t give a shit that she’s there, but I do. Idk. I’m so annoyed. He said he can go a week without seeing me and be perfectly content because he knows where his heart is. He said it’s like I want him to cut his wrists and have the words “I love you” bleeding out of his arm at every second for me - a tad dramatic if I say so myself.

Omg absolutely dramatic! And honestly if it’s his house and she just lives there it’s a red flag that he doesn’t put up boundaries with his mom. Like if you wanted you there he would make an effort to make it more comfortable for you and not just give excuses and be dramatic! And you deserve an invite considering the whole mom thing- it would be fine maybe if he lived alone but he doesn’t! And the fact that he’s content not seeing in a week and just wants to sleep says he doesn’t care. No matter how dramatic he is… and I absolutely don’t blame you- you are a grown adult you should not be sitting around on his couch waiting for him to come home! This isn’t the old times where women just dote on the men when they come home! He’s got his mom for that!

My brother has adhd and I'd he says he's going to do something he does it. Occasionally he may forget. Like he says he will call me in the morning and he may forget but then he'll apologise and take accountability for it. He's never used his adhd as an excuse. And I know he does his best in relationships because he cares for whoever he's with. The things your bf is doing I'm sure isn't down to his adhd (I don't have it myself it's just my experience with my brother). If he really cared for you he'd 1 make you feel welcome or 2 actually come to see you. If he's tired sure, but he could sleep when he's with you. I don't mean the whole time but he could nap at yours and actually be with you. He's very dramatic with the wrists comment. He should be understanding about his mom and the dog on how they make you feel and partly on how it puts the dog on edge to. It could potentially be dangerous if the dog things you're a threat. Especially if the dog's not in his mom's room for the night.

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