Non baby related - really really need opinions please!
I’m married with a two yo and a 6 month old and live just outside of London after living in London for 9 years. We are a bit tight on space but where we live is expensive, we could afford a bigger house that’s suitable. My husband wants us to move up north as we could afford a much bigger house and garden (he has much higher expectations of the size/standard of property he wants and would just not be feasible where I live currently). I would probably prefer to stay and live in a bit of a smaller house.
I am feeling really emotional about it. I don’t have any family in England, my friends are really important. After moving here knowing no one I’ve made some of my best friends and I see them regularly (with my kids too most of the time) even though they’re an hour away.
Here’s the thing, I really like the area up north etc. but I am so so worried about being isolated and becoming an ‘add on’ to my husband. His siblings will be within half an hour, his parents one hour and a half, his best friend will live 15 minutes away. Currently he only has one friend in London who he sees sometimes and goes away 2/3 times per year with friends scattered so it really doesn’t matter to him about moving (he said this).
I get on with my husbands family, they are nice, but I can find them ever so slightly suffocating, even though they’re currently 3 hours away. He said that we won’t see them ‘all the time’ but I feel like that will be difficult to control being close (currently they come for entire weekends to see his sisters and stay at their house). The rest of his family seem to not see friends much and spend most weekends together. My husband also goes on lots of ‘family days out’ and trips without partners so I can find it a bit rude at times although I get it’s a bonding thing. They are great with my kids and I know they would love to have them closer. My husbands dad said that he doesn’t see an issue for me, I will just become friends with his friends and their wives/girlfriends. I don’t know why but I feel so averse to this comment, they are nice but I have always had separate friends and we are both fiercely independent.
My husbands made comments about ‘putting the kids first’ and they are the priority (which they obviously are) as they will have more space. But I feel slightly like they are a bit of a dig that I’m being selfish…
He is not saying we ARE moving btw but has openly said he is open to moving asap but only if I’m on board.
I’m very confused with how I am feeling. Has anyone been in a similar situation? How did you navigate? It’s making me feel really bad and conflicted. Am I overreacting and being unreasonable? Honest responses would be greatly appreciated. Thank you for reading ❤️
So slightly different for me but I currently live where my wife moved to with an ex. We have a 6 month old and her family are scattered all over the country. My family all live in and around Nottingham and my wife is now firmly set on moving there. I guess because it would be a hub for us to have one set of family close for our daughter to see them regularly and would then me we can spend holidays seeing her family and it wouldn’t be so much of a hit with our time. We have got a few good friends where we live but I know if they are truly good friends, we will still make the time to see them. We also know the houses in that area are more spacious and like your husband is saying, you generally get more for your money. I wouldn’t say it’s a dig but it does seem like a win win situation, minus the fact you are leaving your friends behind but you can still go see your friends and then can visit you too and with extra room it could be extended weekends/ periods of time potentially.