So tired of feeling like nothing I do will be good enough for my partner.

This is my life 24/7 and I feel like all I do is change diapers all day and look homeless. It’s exhausting, if you need someone to talk to you’re more than welcome to message me

I could have written this ! Never being able to meet partners standards 😞 we are still working on it and have had to have some sit down talks where we’ve both stayed calm which is normally very hard for us if we discuss stuff in the moment. Does your partner also not handle it well if you “ call him out on anything” like if my partner has our daughter 16 months for a phew hours, like he did yesterday while I went to put flowers at my mums plot with my god mother, I came back and the house was upside down and I said ohh gosh Frankie ( our daughter) you’ve been a busy girl and partner gets defensive and argumentative ect ?That’s the hardest part they expect the house to be a certain way but don’t do themselves either so you end up cleaning up after your child and your partner 😫 My only advice which has helped me is finding a time maybe during a nap at the weekend to sit down and have some notes about how your feeling and specifically what can you do to make him appreciate what you do

You need to start prioritize yourself and focus on your beauty and fitness

That's not a reasonable set of expectations. He needs to step the fuck up, and participate in child care and domestic labour.

@Dayna yup!!

@Dayna definitely don’t do that. You’ll be miserable. The house will be a wreck, you’ll feel like a failure, and your man will be mad. It’s vindictive and that’s not good for your brain. Sit down with your partner on Sunday and agree on 3 tasks to accomplish in each day of the week. Maybe that’s floors, buying groceries, and laundry or whatever. Laundry is done weekly. Then, do a 20 minute tidy up in the morning and evening where you pick up toys, fold blankets, make beds, etc. If it doesn’t get done within that 20 minutes, don’t do it. My SO does the dishes normally or I use the dishwasher, filling as I go. Always do a half hour of exercise somewhere in your day- walk around the store with purpose, Zumba class in the living room, lift jugs of milk, whatever. I like to do mine while my kid is occupied at the park or get him involved to do it with me. It’s good for your brain. In between, enjoy your child and teach him to help you.

When you make your home like your job, you’ll feel less micromanaged. It may also be worth saying “Your criticism is hurting me. You trusted me enough to marry me, I need you to trust that I am managing our household and child. I trust you completely to provide for us and I don’t criticize- I need you to do the same”

It sounds like you do a lot of talking about chores. That's no fun. It's also unproductive, so agree to take a pause from that for a week and see how your dynamic shifts. As you know, the issue isn't that you not that you aren't doing enough, it's that the job is too big for one person and he doesn't want to help. Your partner has no idea what it takes to care for a child and a home for any real length of time. He has no idea how big the job is, and he won't believe you when you try to explain it to him. When he gives you his idealistic vision of how things should be, you can remind him things don't happen by magic and that what he wants will require his time or money. You are an adult capable of managing your own time, and yours is all spoken for. Have him spend more time visiting homes of people with young children, so he has more real-life data points.

@Kathryn @Alexandra @Laura 🍉🇵🇸✊🏻 @Amber @Bonny gosh it’s so exhausting. Like I don’t understand what I’m doing wrong or what I’m not doing that he wants me to do. He says I just want to sit at home with our son and not cook for him or clean and do nothing when I’m the one who does most everything at for and with/for our son. I can’t remember the last time he did anything for our son. He has unrealistic expectations like he wants me to deep clean like move furniture around to sweep and mop underneath and dust and clean floor boards etc. how I’m supposed to have time or even be able to do that (with my toddler chasing me, making almost any chore impossible) is beyond me. I will never understand how someone can be so critical and be so unhappy with anything and everything that I do.

@Amber I really like this that you said. I’m going to say this to him for sure.

I would be telling him that he is a grown ass man who can cook & clean for himself. You’re not his mother you’re the mother of his child. That man wouldn’t last a day with me.

@Kathryn this