Is the wife always supposed to submit to her husband's intimate advances?

Of course you're allowed to say no! Anything other than an enthusiastic yes is not consent, sex without consent is rape.

I feel like the planning ahead is a major turn off too 💀

I've noticed in my marriage that sometimes we have to but aside what we want or what we feel like doing for our spouse if your genuinely tired than that's fine but if you just don't feel like it or aren't in the mood than maybe try praying and asking God to help you get in the mood The Lord already knows what's going on so just be open and honest with Him I promise He will help you and your husband I say this because marriage is ultimately about serving one another we just have to compromise sometimes

I've definitely been there multiple times and I've had to put aside how I feel not every time but most of the time times and just Ask God to Help me enjoy my husband and vice versa also try praying with your husband before sex it may be weird at first but It becomes a great habit and will help drastically

Hope I could help

1 Corinthians 7:5 says "Do not deprive each other except perhaps by mutual consent and for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer. Then come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control." There have been times that my husband has asked and I haven't been in the mood because of a busy day or stress. What I do is go to the bathroom (the only place I can be alone) and try to talk myself into it. I remind myself that he loves me so much. It's not his fault I'm stressed, and I'm always stressed. If that's my excuse, it will never happen. I also remind myself that it's been a while, and that I feel super down and rejected when it's the other way around. Usually I can come out focused on loving my husband well and "in the mood." Another thing that helps is prayer. It can be awkward to pray about that at first, but it does help.

I also try to have a goal of a certain # of times per week or month. My husband doesn't know that I have that goal - I think it would make him feel bad - but it keeps me accountable to not just saying "I don't feel like it" all the time, because I could easily fall into that habit. And maybe talk to your husband about it too. Tell him what kinds of things get you in the mood rather than asking casually. Having this conversation with my husband - and allowing myself to fall for his advances rather than pushing him away - has really helped too. Also - be careful to always check that the advice you are being given is biblical. I don't know if Charley is a Christian or not but she's not part of this group, and "anything other than an enthusiastic yes is rape" is not biblically accurate. We are supposed to sacrifice for each other, even if you don't quite feel up to it. Anyone can see posts from this group and respond, even if they're not a member or are not following Christ.

All of that said - it's not that you can never ever say no. Really hard days, sick days, etc. your husband should be understanding of a no. On those times, I try to at least spend time together, maybe snuggle and watch a movie once the baby's in bed.

@Adrianna i agree completely with your response or even just seeking the lord before it’s time. To be honest though, we almost never say no to each other. We tend to communicate way in advance if we’re not feeling well or if we’re too tired, or we can sense it. We try to be very understanding of each other and our needs.

If he were after just regular sex then I could talk myself into it more frequently. The issues are that my husband is SUPER kinky and the things he likes and wants me to do to him bring back SA trauma from my early teens. Even though doing these things sends me into a literal panic attack, he still wants me to do them. I've been coerced into these acts for many years now, and before starting my faith journey had finally reached a point where I stopped letting him force me into it. But now I'm questioning if I am allowed to be telling him no based on biblical principles.

Oh sweet mama this makes things very different. I didn't respond to your poll and instead wrote the comments I did because it's very rare that answers are as black-and-white as a multiple choice response, and this is an example of that. Is your husband a Christian? If he is, his part in this is loving you as Christ loves the church and gave Himself up for her. And he needs to hold to that. He should be understanding towards you. God made sex as a beautiful thing for a husband and wife to share, and I'm so sorry that someone spoiled that for you. You should not have to go through panic attacks to please your husband. You should feel safe with him. Have you talked to him about it? Maybe next time you could say something like "I'd love to spend that time with you, but I can only do ___" and see how that goes. I also want to say that God can heal past trauma. I dealt with PTSD and panic attacks for years, and God delivered me from it. I want to encourage you to seek Him and His Word, asking Him to heal you.

@Kenedi he is a Christian, but he isn't on this faith journey with me. He supports it (to an extent), but doesn't want to be committed to it like I do. We've talked about it a lot over the years. He can't seem to grasp why I still panic when using things on him that way. I've tried everything I can to explain it. But he always goes back to "these are things I need. It's a stress reliever for me" which guilts me into doing them. To be honest, we actually started seeing a intimacy therapist, but he wasn't pleased with it because the therapist validated my view point and told him he needed to change. I want to be a good wife, and a good Christian. But I'm really struggling to get past the trauma, and I feel like the things he enjoys in the bedroom are things that a Christian shouldn't be doing.. I'm just feeling very stuck at the moment... 😪😭

I'm so sorry you're going through this. I think it's okay to tell him what you're comfortable with and draw a line there. You're not denying being intimate with him, you're denying going so far that it causes you angst. And I tend to agree that there are things that, even as a married couple, Christians shouldn't do. I just don't usually give that advice because there's nothing clear in Scripture about it. But I wanted to let you know that you're not alone in that. Pray that God will give you peace in your heart that that's the right thing to do, or tell you what is. And pray that God will change your husband's heart toward this subject, toward you, and most of all, toward God. I'll pray for you too.

Yikes, to those who said yes always. I would have remained single if I felt I had no autonomy over my own person. If you guys need to connect(for men at times this is their main way of connecting) find some way to do that but it doesn't have to be sex if one person isn't up to it.

If you can't say no, then you also can't say yes freely. Obligation sex leads to a sexless marriage. I haven't slept well in 4 days but I wanted to recommend Sheila Gregiore. She did an academia accepted survey of 20k women. And her findings showed.... some correlation I've forgotten. But I know that it builds resentment and makes your body confused about getting aroused. Because when your body says no, but you keep going? Nothing good happens for it!

If you are not interested in sex, be honest. If you are feeling unsafe and or coerced into anything ever? It's healthy and best for the marriage to say no. And then focus on why he's not hearing it, if he's refusing to. It's ok to have boundaries and protect yourself. Because when you don't feel safe with your husband? After a while, you can't force yourself to be in the room with him. Because your body is made with common sense safety in mind!!!! Please seek a therapist to guide you in this conversation. The fact that he brushed off a sex therapist, makes it extremely likely that he's being abusive and not safe.

Hey so as far as him not taking his walk with Christ seriously I think you should note to him that being lukewarm is dangerous but don't push him if he wants the Lord and puts in that effort Jesus will direct him in the right direction now sexually I've again been there me and my husband did some questionable things earlier on that we had eventually got conviction about the only difference is that I was the one wanting to do it and he agreed even though he didn't want to so what I'm saying is if it's something you shouldn't do as a Christian then don't do it. first take it to God in prayer and if you feel that conviction then you explain to yourhusband that you will not jeopardize your relationship with Christ over this thing also I promise you Christ can give you a peace that surpasses all things including your trauma surrender your trauma to Him tell Him how your feeling and why and don't stop.do it constantly pray without ceasing He will answer your prayers and help you lot of ❤️

I’m sorry that this has been your process and pray your healing comes along soon! Have you sought therapy to work through your past trauma? I highly recommend this especially as a Christian and therapist. You can also consider sex therapy after addressing the initial trauma🙏🏾

I also feel guilty that I don't want intimacy more frequently, because we had our second child 9 months ago. And my drive never came back. So he's frustrated that I don't even want it at all. I could literally live without it completely right now. Which is another arguing point..

Yes right now I you definitely need prayer the enemy will use your and your emotions for bad so go to God with what you are feeling and seek him what can you do to serve your husband and what can he do to serve you what are some things that make you feel good have your husband do something's that turn you on before you start having sex even if you don't feel like it or don't want it at the time sometimes even while it's happening I have to continue to pray and ask Jesus to help me enjoy this and to get my mind off other things from my past I promise prayer will help tremendously

Low sex drive is biologically normal & due to hormones. It’s like a way for your body to protect itself; as it’s already busy recovering & taking care of a baby, so it doesn’t need to risk getting pregnant right now! Especially if you’re breastfeeding &/or not getting enough sleep.