Toddler tantrums

I’ve cried twice this week because my son (3) has had tantrums / not listening to me. The first time was on Friday I was in primark and he wanted his new shoes on. I told him he had to wait until we’ve paid for them and he kicked off big time. I was so embarrassed I literally burst into tears. The 2nd time was today at my in laws. I was trying to get his coat on to Get ready to leave. I sat him on the kitchen side and as I was trying to get it on he kicked me 5 times in my stomach and pushed me. His dad came in told him off & made my son apologise to me. But by this point I was already in tears. I’m not very good at being stern. He just laughs in my face. But he listens to his dad 95% of the time because he’s a lot stener then me. Idk what to do. Hes becoming more defiant towards me. I do try and be stern with him etc but it just doesn’t work. Im feeling really low about it all as I feel like a sh!t mum. I don’t wanna be a shouty mum as that’s how mine was. I don’t want him to look back on his childhood and think all what my mum did was shout at me. But I also know I can’t let him walk all over me 😞 Thank you for reading if you got this far xx

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I've had to learn to be a little bit stern by a certain point but I've started saying to my boy that he's making me sad and that he's being unkind. I've also started counting 1, 2, 3 (I don't know what he thinks will happen when I get to 3, neither do i😆), but it seems to work... for now! Sending you love, it's very tough!! Xx

@Sophie I just can’t seem to be stern enough. I think I am at the time but really it’s just a playful voice. If you know what I mean ? We do do counting down etc. we’ve tried time out but he just Laughs at us and thinks it’s a game. I’m just at the end of my tether atm. It’s affecting my MH XX

@Sophie oh yeah absolutely I get what you mean, it's such a difficult age and with you having that memory of how your mum was with you won't be helping how you're feeling. Health visitors also offer support with behaviour as well I think, you can reach out to the service at any time xx

@Sophie it really is a hard age. And no it definitely does not help. As I have resentment towards my mum and I’m terrified he’ll feel the same (although my mum has done other stuff that has caused the resentment too ) and thank you I’ll look into that ! Xx

You need to follow through on what you say and take control. Stern and no playful voices. If they hit, remove them from the situation, or if they throw a toy, remove the toy. Use actions, not words because they most likely won’t pay attention to what’s being said, but will definitely pay attention if it means they get their toy taken away from them for a bit. It’s how they learn that actions have consequences. You don’t need to shout that way since it’s not what you want to do. Also, if they tantrum, it’s not on you, it’s just they don’t like being told no and want to get their hurt out. Just pretend to ignore it and over time the tantrums will decrease (hopefully). It’s worked well for us anyway. Once they’re calm, move on as if nothing happened. Ignore the crazy and reward the calm. X

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