How would you feel? Is it my fault bc I shushed him and told him to get some rest?

I’d be really annoyed. The pain is horrendous and you need support I was always saying ‘please stop talking’ while I was having contraction because my partner would be asking me all these questions to try and distract me but it only made me infuriated!! You can’t help it! I am surprised your partner could sleep through all of that to be honest, my partner is a deep deep sleeper and as soon as I felt another contraction come on my partners eyes beamed open! You have every right to be angry xx

Tbh I would be pretty angry at your care provider they should be checking on you regardless of night time.. they couldn't wake him up for you?

Awe mama I’m sorry you had this experience 😢 To be fair, I can see both sides. Men really just don’t get it sometimes I understand why he slept through much of the action if you told him to sleep, but also I completely understand how isolating and frustrating it must have felt to be there without his support I would for sure be mad at my man if he slept through this time when I need him the most, this experience we are supposed to get through TOGETHER, but he’s such a heavy sleeper I could scream in his face and wack him over the head and he wouldn’t even flinch out of sleep😵‍💫 As frustrating as that situation is, if I could give one advice I would suggest to do your best to let go of any resentment you have building up inside- it will not serve you or baby or him, and now that baby is here you need to work together to be the best team for baby. Maybe you can find a time to speak calmly ab how this made you feel, so that you can come to a place to be stronger together going forward🫶

Some people can sleep through anything. Why didn't you physically wake him up? You're not chained to the bed, I'd just go shake his arse til he gets woken up.

@Ella 😩 omg I literally couldn’t even sit up that why I was screaming his name to help me switch positions

@Ella Some people can’t actually get up. I definitely couldn’t ?

I can see both sides of the argument. But if you were literally yelling his name like you say, it’s fucked up that he didn’t wake up and check on you. Is he normally a heavy sleeper? Had he been super tired ?

@Ella I couldn’t get off the bed during labour! Defo couldn’t have got up and gone to wake someone up

It sounds like more than a couple things went wrong here. 1. Your care team was unhelpful. If you were in labor, they should have been checking on you more regardless of the time of day. 2. Your partner slept through most of your labor, despite all the noise you were making. 3. You shushed your partner and he took that as go back to sleep. (Is he usually a heavy sleeper?) I think all 3 here are at fault. I get you couldn't wake him but Why didn't you have a nurse wake him? Why didn't you push the call button and get more nurse support? I don't know what your labor was like, how intense contractions were, but it's possible that your screams were just as in tense at 12:30 as they were at 5 and his sleep brain didn't recognize the difference. Also, he has no idea how much you progress unless you tell him. It's happening to your body and no one else can experience that. Even the nurses have no idea unless you tell them and they see it everyday. Everyone labors different and react differently to it.~~

~~You shushed him and couldn't talk...but that contraction didn't last forever. Was he fast asleep when it ended and you still couldn't talk? You can resent him, but I think you are more at fault than you realize because you didn't advocate for yourself.

@Katherine I told my nurse I wanted a natural delivery and I guess they took it too far lol Since my labor was in the middle of the night I remember I was dozing off at times and I missed the nurses coming. I should have pressed the button to call the nurse n wake him but I was in so much pain that I didn’t want them to come and check my vagina so I guess that’s why I was hesitant pressing the button but I did press it before delivering. He could be heavy and light sleeper. Knowing my partner he got mad that I shushed him and went to sleep made it about himself .

I’d be so angry and have a hard time getting over it tbh. You’re in the worst pain of your life, he should be there for you no matter what you say to him! Neither he or anyone else can expect you to be calm, polite and rational in that situation- it can be hard to talk and you have to use the simplest clearest words you can think of. I’d definitely talk to him and ask him what happened- it sounds like both the nurses and him really let you down unless he has some other explanation. The only thing I can think of is maybe he didn’t expect it to go so quickly?

I would love to say this will resolve itself and go away but it won’t. I had the WORST birth experience with my first. He made up for it with our second but my first is 5 and I still resent how he treated me. I almost died and his cousin took the attention away from me the entire time (she has to be center of attention. No one invited her. And she has a weird obsession with him. Took it as far and trying to play house with him and MY baby. He doesn’t feel that way towards her but has been around it so long he thinks it’s normal). I still don’t forgive them for it

@Malorie uff that’s deff annoying. Can’t believe people disrespect delivering mothers like that. Glad he made it up with ur second . My husband is not welcome in the delivery room if we have another one. I barely wanna have a second child with him lol

I would be more concerned that health professionals left you during labour. Both my births had midwife with me from active labour right through until birth. @Ella many people aren't able to get up during labour for example I had continous monitoring with the clip aswell as hormone drip in one hand and glucose drip in the other. Also if lady had epidural wouldn't be able to get up also

Natural does not mean unsupported. Make sure you fill out the hospital survey and tell them. "He got mad, went to sleep, and made it about him" says something right there. Even if it's not true, that you have that thought say something. The resentment and these feelings are not going to go away with time. This is going to require work. You need to figure out how to move on from this, what can he do make up for it and what you need to forgive him. It might take couples counseling or some deep thoughts on your end. Only you can control your feelings.

i’d be annoyed, but i also don’t understand why the midwives were not there for you and also didn’t attempt up wake him. if he was genuinely asleep and didn’t hear anything, then it’s just one of those things sadly. (is he naturally a heavy sleeper?) i’m sure he’ll feel some guilt towards it all himself, and i personally wouldn’t drag it out into anything bigger than it is and wouldn’t dwell on it. i would just enjoy this time together now with your newborn. congratulations to you both ❤️

I had my mom with me and no regrets, she was very helpful. I'm so sorry you have had to go through this alone. If there is a next time you will know what to do! Enjoy your baby and rest as much a you can

I can see that he might feel annoyed to be shushed but I don't think men understand what we're going through during labour. I couldn't talk during contractions and had to wave my husband over to rub my back (when they weren't so close together). However, I don't believe he genuinely slept through you screaming for him,he was being an ass and ignoring you. Equally I don't understand why you were left alone. I had a midwife with me the whole time once my contractions were close together

@Lisa I would not go as far as saying he ignored her the whole time my fiancé can sleep through our baby monitor next to his face with her screaming it’s entirely possible he slept through it unintentionally

@Lisa yes I know my partner and he got upset bc I shushed him I’m almost 100% sure.. @Layla Caron damn I’m sorry my husband literally “slept” thru our baby crying for like an hour bc she’s sick and was struggling sleeping and that’s just unacceptable for these men to be doing that. If a mom did that cps would be called . He was just ignoring it and not trying to help.

I 100% agree but I agree with the fact guys just don’t have that sense like mothers do I was a VERY heavy sleeper and now I can’t sleep through anything if it’s his turn to watch then he needs to be up point blank that is why I NEVER let my fiancé take a night shift except now he works overnights so it works out on his days off still the point being a lot of men still see it as we take care of the baby and they provide I know it sucks but it’s either that or a baby dad who isn’t there at all that’s what keeps me going

I would’ve thrown something at him to wake him up lol

Yesh it’s kind of your fault. Sure it’s unfortunate but you told hi not rest. You could have ask a nurse to wake him up or threw something at him to wake him. Sure husbands might not be the most helpful sometimes but sometimes they really need someone to explain to them what is needed.

Agree with Katherine. This isnt just gonna go away yall need to sit down and talk about it and maybe even counseling. But you even said you don’t even know if you went another one with him. Is there other problems in your marriage then just this. If there is then maybe try counseling or just getting divorced

@Gabrielle we have lots of issues this is just one of them. Divorce might be easier lol

I never suggest divorce first. I would for sure try counseling and communication first. But if nothing works or if one of yall don’t care to work on it then yeah id say divorce

I was contracting for two days and my partners stayed in hospital with me, he was in a DEEP sleep I was screaming right next to him, water was all on the floor n bed, the nurse came to change my bed we were moving about he was still asleep, when he’s asleep he may as well be dead. I can hoover round him and all sorts. My actual labour though he was awake and napped a bit when I did but definitely woke up when I needed him. He could definitely sleep if I was screaming but he wouldn’t have done that during my active labour. Sounds like your partner was punishing you and I’d consider my relationship with someone who did that to teach you a lesson for saying ssh, kind of psycho if that’s what he was doing.

I feel like the amount of blame on him is unreasonable though? You told him to go to sleep A person doesn't choose to be asleep or not asleep. A sleeping person doesn't choose to wake up. They're unconscious. He didn't CHOOSE to not wake up. He just was asleep. Once he fell asleep, someone had to wake him up. You say you slept through the midwives checking on you, so you never asked them to wake him up... I know, it's really hard to speak up and advocate for yourself in labour, but if you weren't able to wake him from yelling and you weren't able to get off the bed, you needed to call a midwife and ask them to shake him awake.

If he told you that he couldn't hear you then maybe giving him the benefit of the doubt would be best for your own sanity. I wasn't happy with my husband during labor and resented him for a couple years. When we talked about it, he felt like he was attentive enough. But I didn't. In the end, I realized I didn't communicate what I wanted. And the things I asked for, he did. I would've started throwing things at him if he fell asleep. It's easy to sleep through noise if you're exhausted.

Yeah it's a pretty crappy feeling when your doing the biggest thing ever in life and look over and someone is sound asleep. My guy fell asleep while I was in labor and I had to have a nurse wake him. I understood as I went into labor while he was at work and my labor was 18hrs so I knew he was exhausted, but I'm still a little bitter he was just sleep while I was going thru that.

Assuming you both slept the night before, why would it be ok for him to rest and you not. I don't think most men would act this way 🤷🏾‍♀️ I can only assume the midwife/nurse left you as they thought your partner would have got them if anything changed/progressed. I'd have liked to have been left alone and would have had my partner get them if I needed anything. I'm sorry you went through that. I suggest talking to him or doing something that'll make you feel better. A cheeky few days away somewhere nice not lifting a finger. Order food, get a couple massages, take nice long baths. Enjoy time with your new baby. Don't let this eat you up for years 🫂

@Anais thank you 🫶🏼 I don’t know how anyone could sleep through their wife giving birth to their child. Men are something else. He Deff let me know how important that moment was for him.

Just can’t stop wondering how is going to be now baby is here…. A sign of things to come…

@Lara 🙌🏻 oh it’s been something for sure , since pregnancy , I’m not surprised he slept thru the birth.

I just wanted to say I didn’t mean to press your fault, it selected it when I was scrolling…

I had my doula there. My mom was kinda defensive cuz I kept pushing him away, but he was literally overstimulating me the whole time.