Am I an asshole for thinking you shouldn’t have to pay family to watch your little one for a few hours?

I don’t think irregular babysitting and times together should be paid. I think only if it was like actually childcare should be offered some money like regular weekly hours that they have to do if that makes sense Paying for general adhoc babysitting and visits would leave bad taste in my mouth. It’s a privilege to see your grand children and be trusted with them

Jeeez I’d be bankrupt and may as well not go to work if my parents started charging me for having my LG 😂 Personally I think it’s very wrong to charge to look after your grandchild unless the grandparent is financially struggling. A few of my friends will pay for activities on the days the grandparents have the babies and will add in £10 for a coffee and cake etc.

I’d be upset now if my parents told me that my grandparents only saw me when I was little if they were being paid to personally

Unless your family is being used as daycare for when you work I don’t believe we should be paying family members either. My MIL and my sisters regularly take my boy since he was a baby and yes sometimes we ask sometimes they ask but they see it as spending time w the baby- bonding. As a Grandparent or Aunty etc. They’re not really “babysitting”. I also take nephews/nieces as toddlers (sometimes a friends’ kid too!) for a day out and wouldn’t dream of taking my sisters’ money. I’m wearing my hat as Aunty.

I agree with Em. My Mum is going to take care of my child for a few days a week on a regular basis when I go back to work and we’ve offered to pay her. She’s taken care of my baby on a few occasions when we go out and she’d never dream of asking me for money. I wouldn’t ask for money if I had to take care of my nephew or niece I wouldn’t ask for money either x

Thanks ladies ❤️ It is a sore subject in this house but I just can’t stay silent on this!! I’m only on UC as I was made redundant during my mat leave, leaving my fiancé basically financially holding us and home together. I don’t see how he can justify paying her £10 an hour!! Especially when she’s only 7 months so when she has her, she’s only up for an hour or two before she’s asleep for the night! I said I’d happily pay if it was a last minute ask or she was unwell or more often, but it’s a bit much. She knows she’s the only person we have to ask… she’s an absolute angel but this is leaving a bit of a sour taste in my mouth.

Unless it's regularly while you work, then I don't think you should pay tbh. They should want to spend time with their grandkids

My dad wouldn’t dream of asking for money and would point blank refuse if I offered. And my boy is 2 so a lot more work than a 7 month old! If it was regular childcare (I have friends who’s parent quit part time work to look after their grandkids and so are paid) then I understand but for the odd babysitting I think it’s totally unreasonable! X

I do things like - leave a meal or a nice snack or something. So it’s easy for her to grab when she’s looking after little one as that feels like a good energy exchange

Wow, my parents in law are here twice a week in day to help out plus general meet ups/ occasionally babysitting at night and no money changes hands. I think that is a bit weird… she should want to spend time with grandchildren? Expenses are an other thing like the taxi I think…

I find this really really bizarre?? So she only ever spends alone time with the baby when she's paid for it? That's not okay

I find it quite odd too. Is his mother very poor or something ?

That’s disgusting really 😱🤯 why would you want money to spend time with your own grandchild 🤯🤯 how about this, charge her £20 an hour whenever she wants to come and visit

I think it's depends on how regular this childcare is or whether it's adhoc. If it's every week on set days then yes, I think you should offer to pay, however the odd night of babysitting no. My parents would never ask for money for babysitting their grandchildren, even when they have my baby for a whole weekend they would never ask for money

I don't think you're an assehole. I'd agree with you personally. That's really strange and not nice that she only sees your lo when paid .....

My MIL would be insulted if we offered to pay her

She’s definitely taking advantage and not acting like a grandmother. Grandmas are normally the ones wanting to look after their grandchildren and coming over to check on them etc.. and I’ve never EVER heard of anyone paying their own mom to watch their kids. This is insane imo. You might as well hire a babysitter bc what’s the point having someone from your family doing it, when you still have to pay as if they were strangers??? It baffles me

WTF?! If it was a regular thing like, every Friday then I could understand it but the occasional here and there? Absolutely not. My neighbour who I’ve become good friends with over the past few years watched my son for 4,5 hours to allow me to do a few jobs and get a nap in (we had jabs and teething all at once and he didn’t want to be put down). I’ve bought her chocolates to say thank you and she wasn’t best please as she does it because she wants to help and adores him.

Just thinking out loud… wouldn’t it be nice if she was saving that money for your LO x

I don't pay my mum to look after my baby at the moment. When she looks after baby it's for 6 hours. When baby is older I will give my mum some money so that she can take her to soft play or swimming. And when my mum eventually takes her for a week I will give her money then. But it's her choice to care for baby. Any money I give her is for my baby so she can do experiences with her and not for her.

I find this really odd.. i can only really make sense of it thinking that your husband wants to give her money but without her feeling like charity? Even that is a bit weird but the fact she doesnt come at other times is what would get to me. I don't know any grandmas that only see or only want to see their grandchildren under baby sitting circumstances x

I think he is giving her money more so to help her as she isn’t working? Is she insisting, no money no babysitting?

This is extremely rude. I would just pay a baby sitter that is not much more expensive than this. Nuts.

Wow! I totally understand your frustration. How did the conversation even begin about payments x

As a mum, I could never allow my daughter in the future to pay me to babysit her children. They are the same as my kids. What I don’t understand is she wouldn’t be getting paid them hours anyways even if she wasn’t baby sitting so that’s crazy to me. Plus you said she comes over so it’s not like anything is used in her house or she’s paying for food or whatever. From time she doesn’t see them unless it’s babysitting, that would be a red flag to me you are “caring” for my children for the money not because you love them and they are your grandkids. Generally working with children can never be a job I believe you do for the sake of money you are looking after innocent, vulnerable babies and need a love in your heart for children in this role.

My MIL has my son one day a week and won’t accept money for it, and my SIL has my son in her daycare 3x days a week. My SIL is paid the same for my son as all the other kids that go there, through her family daycare structure provider. I just have the bonus of being able to stay back at work if need be and then pick him up late for no extra charge at daycare. Oh and he gets dropped off earlier than open hours, but she likes that time with him as Aunty-Nephew time.

My parents would be insulted if my husband and I even offered to pay them. It also isn’t right that this is the only time she sees your LO. You shouldn’t have to pay for a grandparent to be involved.

We don't pay when our family looks after kids both sides. She is used to the money now x

I find that so odd. She should want to spend time with her grandchild

I understand paying for her taxi, but not childcare. My MIL flew here just so she could look after our son while we worked. We didn't pay for her flight. She even buys us groceries. Same with my parents. When my MIL is away and we need someone to look after our son, my parents will drive up for the weekend with a car load of groceries. My coworker even refused pay to look after my son a few times when we were in a bind

Lol my husband gave his sister his cat (she has one too, love animals) like 8 years ago and still sends her money every month for him lol if it's a minor babysitting, I'd always pay them. Mil? Probably not

No! I’ll tell you what, my whole life I was used as a personal babysitter from the age of 7, my family never paid me except like once when I was 14 and school that day and they begged me to watch the kids instead, now I’m a mother with her own baby and nobody ever wants to watch my son for me even in the same house so I can just pick up a little, family is supposed to be there to help and now all they care about is money, my mom offered to be a baby sitter but only if we got on a program with the government where she could get paid to be his personal baby sitter, which I find so outrageous because she has a job and that’s her grandson that she begged me for for years

She doesnt deserve to be called grandparent… If I were you id get a babysitter instead they are cheaper than that!!

I wouldn’t be paying my MIL to see my son! 😂😂 When she’s up to stay we go out for dinner and shout coffees but no I don’t pay family to spend time with him 🤦🏻‍♀️ Is she skint?

I would get a different babysitter. It’s up to her to choose what kind of relationship she wants with her grandchild

That’s kind of crazy! I pay my mother in law because she takes care of her during the week while we work. But she will take care of her on the weekend if necessary and my mom takes cares of her when I need to go somewhere on the weekends. You have all the rights to act that way because that is not normal!

I don't see it as wrong, but at the same time, I was raised differently. I saw the world it was never free and for my mom to be taking time out of her schedule, to cook, clean and take care of my little one I'll give her money for her for doing so since she don't work and I as a person would pay for her cab to there and back because in nyc it's $3 for one swipe and a lot of people been getting $150 tickets for hopping trains and busses. So again, that's just me.

I know my mom will spend the money for them to buy food to cook and / or to take her out, but again that's just me but also not everyone can sit here and let's say fly out to help because the majority of my family is in the west coast and I'm on the east coast. My daughter isn't easy, but not everyone got it to do so, as such as the other people in the comments that can do all of that as of well. So when it comes to going out I take my L.O everywhere with me and I train/adjust her so she can do and adjust with the things we like doing like going to the buffet and granted she does thing we don't approve of but she is 2 and she does great. I don't have a village so I have to take my daughter with me everywhere and either my husband working it makes it harder for us time.

Mine and my boyfriend’s mum and dad have our little boy 4 n half days a week for the last year while we work. He started nursery a month ago 3 half days a week (15 free hours) and we don’t pay them! They love spending time with him and didn’t want us to put him into nursery! I don’t think grandparents should charge you. Maybe if they wanted to take them on days out which cost or something but not for looking after them in general 🙈

My mum and sister just looked after my son for almost 2 weeks while we went on our honeymoon. We made sure to pack enough nappies, food and formula for the stay but when I tried to give my mum £20 to cover some of the activities I knew they had planned, she said don’t be silly and gave it back. Maybe it depends on the kind of family relationship but if it was the kind of family who expected payment for looking after my child, I don’t know that’d I be comfortable leaving him with them.

This is so f**d up 🫣

I would hire a real babysitter If I had to pay. I wouldn't want to send the awful message to my kids they deserve to be cared by their grandma only to get money from it. This is not what love is about. I'm so sorry your husband doesn't get that.

Sorry that's so odd I went back to work when my twins were 14months my mum looked after them 3 days a week. Never took any money.One of my best mate goes on playdate with them and will never take any money your husband crazy

Could it be that his mum doesn’t have much money and that’s a way of her son helping her out? X

Different perspective here. I think it depends on the circumstances. If she is low in money, then it might be a way for your husband to feel like he is helping her. She is likely not doing it for the money, but she might take it because she might be on a tight budget, especially if she doesn't work. My mom would refuse, but I paid her anyway when she was laid off and helped with little one when I first gave birth because I felt it was the right thing to do. Every family is different. If your husband grew up in a household where finances were always extremely tight, he might have a different view on the situation. If she doesn't seem happy to do it or to see your little one, I could see the irritation.

I wouldn't even think of this, paying grandparents to watch them randomly is bizarre to me. The only exception I can think of is if it were more like regular daycare, like if they watched them M-F 9-5 while you worked and they needed to take them places like storytime/park/zoo to keep them occupied and fed them most meals I could see something like that but odd babysitting never!

My mum’s the same unfortunately. I find it odd

That’s wild. Like offer money for her to get a take away or something whilst there and yeh pay for taxi home but for her to willingly take an hourly rate 😂😂😂 that is wild. Your fiancé needs to man up and tell his mum how ridiculous that is.

That’s madness

My parents will be having my girl on a Thursday/ Saturday and some Sundays when I go back to work. They wouldn’t ask me for a penny. I will provide milk and snacks etc. I regularly cook for my dad and pick my mum up from work sometimes so repay them in other ways, but I was doing that before I was pregnant anyway. They had my little one today from 10-4 so I could catch up on housework and rest, they got a roast in return 😂. They’d never ever ask for physical cash. They get annoyed when I go to collect her 😂