Very Intrusive Thoughts

Considering dumping boiling grits on my soon-to-be-ex-husband. We’re still married and came to the conclusion a while ago I want to divorce but am now sure of my decision. He’s got a severe gaming addiction and hasn’t been part of our kids lives for years. He doesn’t work, celebrate, or spend any time with our kids unless we have a big fight then he might give them 5 min. I have pneumonia and pretty sure the only reason I’m up today is rage. I’ve been in an in and out state of consciousness for the past two days. I know I’m dehydrated as my cough got to throwing up and dry heaving and i haven’t even been able to drink water. Husband said he would take me to doctor but has yet to do so. I woke up at 2:30 today wondering what the noise was, he was screaming at our kids for being in the fridge. I asked them: have you ate anything? Nope. Asked my husband he said idk. I made a quick instant soup mix and grilled cheese for them, having to sit in a chair bc I’m too dizzy to stand. I asked my husband to help me back to bed, I sat there for over an hour and fell back asleep. I woke up again and he was still on his game, kids asking for more food so I order pizza. Husband yells at kids for eating a whole pizza. He tells me I should go and rest and I’m being ridiculous. Get on call with him bc I can’t walk back in there, he ignores me and tells me he’s busy bc he got invited to do something on his game, hangs up on me. I got so mad, I got up and packed some of our stuff and am washing other stuff I know the kids will want. He’s still in there laughing and having a grand time on his game. All our kids are under 10 and our oldest has been trying to care for the younger ones but keeps getting yelled at yet he is literally neglecting them. Fucking 8 years old and more caring and responsible than a 40 year old man.