Am I being a b****? 😞

Maybe you should have a Sunday outlet, rather than feeling resentment over the football? Anything you'd like to do on a Sunday? I personally find the most relaxing things for me are hiking and window shopping around malls while listening to a podcast, or meeting a girl friend for coffee?)

If he gets to have an outlet for hours at a time, then so should you. Make Sunday your day and do something you enjoyed before you met him. Just make sure to leave the house so don't get out back on mommy duty!

Does he help out much in the evenings to give you a break at all? Or are you all go? It’s a nice idea about having Sundays to yourself, but it depends if you like to have family time in those times. I think he should be giving some time back in return. Could you book some dinners/meet-ups with your friends whilst he feeds and sorts little one ready for bed on a Saturday evening after football, for example?

I think she would like more family time, not Sunday for herself. If she does that then when will they spend a day as a family all together?! You both should be able to sit down and talk and reorganize your lives so you get more time together as a family and you also get some ‘me’ time for both of you. Maybe he does the football thing every other Saturday instead of every Saturday and you get every other Saturday for yourself. Your feelings are valid.

Hmm... fair enough he does the coaching, but why does it take all day? And yes he was doing it before you met, but that was also before kids. Would a compromise not be him still doing it, but not being out of the house all day every single saturday? I do think that's a bit unreasonable tbh

Is he willing to cut back to only going every 2 weeks (assuming he can find a 2nd coach or something) so he can get more family time? Tell him how much it means to you and your child for him to be there and make precious memories together.

I think it should be like one Saturday a month he does the 11-5pm and rest Saturdays he just does the game. That’s fair. And one day a month you go do something 11-5 c

Is football coaching and games a year-round thing? Typically it's a fall sport so ideally it is temporary. My husband is a high school band director so from August to mid-November every year I know I won't have him Tuesday, Thursday, and Friday nights, and most Saturdays all day. It's something he loves doing and he gets paid for it, which helps. I wouldn't think of asking him to quit. I'm 22 weeks pregnant and semi planned this pregnancy so my due date wouldn't be in the middle of marching band season. It still leaves us with Sundays together. We also have a 12 year old, which I know is not the same level of always-on parenting as a 3-year old, but I get where you're coming from feeling like a solo parent. I think a lot of what you're feeling is hormonal but it doesn't make your feelings any less valid. You do need to discuss a compromise that makes you both happy.

OK, so there's nothing wrong with him wanting to have his hobby, but there's no need for him to be out of the house ALL day for it though! He should only be out for travel time, the game itself, changing time and then the travel back! My dad has been playing football for years, as both a player and now a referee, and even he says that being out all day isn't fair when you have a family with young children. Plus, remember that football is a winter sport, so it's not all year round anyway

Ok is your only question are you wrong for having feelings? Because the answer to that is of course not. Feelings aren't right or wrong they just are. They help you realize your equilibrium is off. So the more important question is *why* do you feel resentful? Is it because he gets 6 hours to himself childfree and you want the same? Is it because you want to spend more time together as a family? Is it a combination? We don't have enough information from your post to help fully. You say you've touched on the subject - what does that mean? What did you say to him? Did you ask him to quit or just come home earlier? What's the minimum amount of time needed for him to get to the field and back? Obviously he needs more than the 90 min game, is it a 5 min drive or 30 min drive? Is it possible for you and your toddler to join your husband at the games once in awhile to increase family time? That's a pretty common practice in France (where my husband is from). Some initial thoughts without more info.

Thank you all, hearing the different perspectives and ideas are really useful and essentially just helps me breathe a bit of relief that my emotions/feelings are valid. It is that I’d like that extra family time or support if and when I need to run child-free errands. Not that it’s all the most important thing but I wouldn’t even mind if he was paid for it 😂 he only does it cos he enjoys it which is of course great. The early start is to ‘set up’ it’s only about 10 mins from us. And the late home is usually a post-game team drink, so I think I defo need to have a conversation to ask for some flex there for him to be home a little earlier some weeks. Thank you all again x

Also could you change your day off to Wednesday? Then you don't have two days home in a row

My husband also has an outlet that takes a lot of time away from family. Considering we work opposite schedules and our family barely sees him as it is, I am super resentful. I have no outlet. All my free time is spent with my children. But the reality is his outlet is his healthy habit to keep him sober. I don't need an outlet from my family. They make me happy not triggered. So ive learned to accept that this is how things are 🤷‍♀️

His response is very immature. Before I had husband and children I was working full time, going at spa session, travel all the time, see my friends and do hiking and biking whenever I wanter to. Yet now I had to stop some activities and reduce others because we have a family life. Life CHANGE and he is not the same guy he was when single... I would start also my own activity and leave him alone parenting.

Imagine u did that how would he feel? Speak to him about it especially with 2 kids u will need some support

With young kids this would annoy me. Before kids not so much but if it means he’s only spending one day a week with the family it’s not so great. Agree with Aurelie, priorities change for both of you. Can you speak to him about keeping it to the 90 mins and maybe just having a full day of it once a month instead?

My husband is very much the same but he plays cricket of a Saturday. This Saturday gone was his first game back, left at 11.30am and didn’t get home until 7pm. It has always gotten under my skin as I’m at home with the 3 kids (5yr, 3yr and 6mths) and I don’t go out and do anything alone. His very good when at home and helps a lot.. and the one thing that makes me feel much better, is that he doesn’t drink, so he literally goes and plays and comes home. I have been in previous relationships where the other half would go out drinking afterwards, so I see the positives in knowing he comes straight home to help and that I know it could be worse. I’m hoping once bubs a littler bigger I can start getting some time to myself again too 🙂