Feel so awkward and embarrassed

So we are at my partners dad and step mums house. A few weeks ago it was his step mums mothers funeral (she passed away in Ghana) however they did a get together/funeral somewhere in London. My partner went and I stayed home with our 1 year old son due to it being 6 and finishing midnight. We thought it would have been to much for our son etc. Anyway his step mum told me how shocked and disappointed that I didn’t show up and that it’s not nice. If it was in Ghana and I did that then they wouldn’t let me back in the house. All I could have done was apologised but I felt so awkward and didn’t know what to do. I just want to go home tbh. When I had said about it might have been late for our son she just said why the next day is Sunday he hasn’t got to be up. Etc

Show your support

Gosh that seems really extreme of her to say. I guess I don’t know the culture but perhaps your partner could have told you how seriously they take this, so you could have both told her in advance? Speak to him about it, perhaps he needs to speak to her still. I wouldn’t have taken my 1 year old to something like this either, so I totally understand your decision not to.

I also don't know the culture but I wouldn't take a 1 year old out that late. I took my daughter to my gran's funeral when she was 11 months old, we left around 7ish and she was so tired she was just upset and ratty towards the end. Now she's older she can stay up later but I don't have her out past about 8ish latest cause it's just not fair on them to rob them of their sleep when they need it so much more than we do. I also don't drive which impacts the time I'll leave

Your partner should have stuck up for you in this situation

I didn’t know how serious it was culture wise either and I don’t know if he even knew I’m not sure. He did butt in and say it was his idea that we didn’t come because it was late but she kind of dismissed it. Thank you guys at first I felt like it was me but I’m glad you guys felt the same way if you was in the situation. Thank you x

Maybe it's a culture thing but we have a 4 year old and we would never have considered having him out so late or indeed having him attend. Never mind a one year old. I'm not even sure it would be a conversation. Bedtime is at 7 and even if something goes to like 8pm we have a discussion around it. Midnight it would be a "right, who's staying home and doing childcare then" not a "shall we keep him up that late" That's so incredibly harsh. If you'd missed it for a night out or because you couldn't be bothered then I'd understand but surely your child comes first? I'm baffled .

You do not need to feel personally responsible for the feelings of others. “I’m sorry you felt that way. We made the decision based on what is best for our family. It wasn’t my intent to hurt you.” How she reacts is her own problem

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